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WhatamImissinh · Oct 27, 2014 at 02:06 PM

Been on meds every class for 15 yrs - no silver bullet/purple pill. been in group, individual u name it. Been in partial day programs 3-4 x's - went inpatient once most degrading, humiliating and scariest experience of my life will never go back. Had ect 13x changed psychiatrist recently who was part of ECT program - said - "now you know there is a CURE" ********. doesn't believe in med management back to low dose of Paxil - not working. Can't find meaningful job, lost everything, family, career, finances, mood, relationships have all been sabotaged. I am at a loss - dont know where to turn. almost fifty starting over with 0 after the American dream was taking from me. I am so angry and frustrated by everything and everyone. Just want my life back.

vital · Oct 27, 2014 at 07:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WhatamImissinh

Been on meds every class for 15 yrs - no silver bullet/purple pill. been in group, individual u name it. Been in partial day programs 3-4 x's - went inpatient once most degrading, humiliating and scariest experience of my life will never go back. Had ect 13x changed psychiatrist recently who was part of ECT program - said - "now you know there is a CURE" ********. doesn't believe in med management back to low dose of Paxil - not working. Can't find meaningful job, lost everything, family, career, finances, mood, relationships have all been sabotaged. I am at a loss - dont know where to turn. almost fifty starting over with 0 after the American dream was taking from me. I am so angry and frustrated by everything and everyone. Just want my life back.

I really think you should have a look at this, which I am repeating from a post to pacot in this section.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fOPRp_K6QQY

About 13:44 in, he talks about depression specifically and points out the any of the following can cause it:

1. Gluten -> Autoimmune disease thyroid
2. Acid reflux -> acid blockers -> vitamin B12 deficiency
3. Vitamin D deficiency
4. Took antibiotics -> Altered gut flora -> Changes the way peptides and neurotransmitters are produced
5. Love Sushi -> Mercury poisoning
6. Hate fish -> Omega 3 deficiency
7. Love sugar -> Prediabetes

Every one of these things causes depression, the treatments for each are different and none of them will be helped by antidepressants.

Also, it really sounds to me like you've been treated for a long time by antidepressants. Statistically speaking, these just often don't work. Have you tried non-med practices that are known to help? It sounds like you've been trusting your MDs to find the answer. I think that strategy rarely works with depression.

- v

Rohag · Oct 27, 2014 at 08:08 PM

Hello & Welcome, WhatamImissinh. Anger seems a rational reaction to what you've experienced.

Did ECT do anything for you, even in the short term?

Altered Moment · Oct 28, 2014 at 09:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WhatamImissinh

Been on meds every class for 15 yrs - no silver bullet/purple pill. been in group, individual u name it. Been in partial day programs 3-4 x's - went inpatient once most degrading, humiliating and scariest experience of my life will never go back. Had ect 13x changed psychiatrist recently who was part of ECT program - said - "now you know there is a CURE" ********. doesn't believe in med management back to low dose of Paxil - not working. Can't find meaningful job, lost everything, family, career, finances, mood, relationships have all been sabotaged. I am at a loss - dont know where to turn. almost fifty starting over with 0 after the American dream was taking from me. I am so angry and frustrated by everything and everyone. Just want my life back.

I hear ya. I am 50 years old and kind of in the same boat.

Post from another thread in here about all the things I have done. I left out TMS, so yeah TMS too.

Quote:

Am I treatment resistant?
I have been on many anti depressants over the last 20 years most of which have been totally ineffective. That would make me treatment resistant. However a couple have worked. Effexor with a low dose of Celexa worked pretty good for a long time. Effexor has been the best one for me but long ago pooped out. So we tried Pristiq and it didn't do anything. The latest one is Fetzima and it has been more effective than anything ever by far. It seems to be pooping already though. I have had to raise the dose once already and feel like I need to again and it has only been six months. So am I treatment resistant or not? I have no doubt that my recurrent cyclical depression will return fetzima or no fetzima like it always does.

This is why I think in the big picture I am treatment resistant-
Most meds don't work and the ones that do poop out. (thats a small part)
I have gone to much therapy and group therapy over the years. Always been 100% honest in therapy and in group.
I learned CBT in therapy and practice it everyday.
Started therapy again with someone who incorporates all the forms, CBT, DBT, and so on.
I practice mindfulness everyday.
Have very consistently meditated over the last twenty years.
Self help books and work books.
Spiritual books and practices.
Long time member of AA and practice its twelve steps and principles. Very similar to therapy with the added spiritual dimension. It is very focused on personal growth, changing thinking and behaviour, and spiritual growth. Have done my fair share of searching and fearless moral inventories and shared it all with someone.
Alanon, ACOA
A good support network.
A good fulfilling career.
Tons of exercise at work.

I am in no way perfect in these things but I have worked very hard at it. They have helped me immensely in daily living and in personal relationships and so on. I am not depressed all the time and it is when I am not depressed that they help. I am totally all for all those practices and they have helped me in general a ton.........

BUT I still get regular recurrent cyclical depression like I always have. it has gotten worse in recent years despite all these things that you would think would help alleviate it. When I am in the middle of a severe depression none of those things work even if I am able to practice them. I can be in the middle of working, getting lots of exercise, and everything is great and the depression will hit me like a ton of bricks out of the blue. It usually has to run its course and it always does. The length of time varies and it always returns. When it hits it is very severe. Suicidal, can't get out of bed, don't shower for weeks, severe.

What am I to do?
Whether that is treatment resistant I do not know. To me it is. It leads me to believe that in my case it is very genetically and biologically ingrained in me. it follows seasonal cycles. Not SAD but three or four times a year that I can set the calender by. There is also a family history that would back this up.

I am sure all of the following things can cause it but I would be willing to bet that those of us with severe clinical recurrent/ or sustained depression, the percentage would be very very low. Worth ruling out though.

1. Gluten -> Autoimmune disease thyroid
2. Acid reflux -> acid blockers -> vitamin B12 deficiency
3. Vitamin D deficiency
4. Took antibiotics -> Altered gut flora -> Changes the way peptides and neurotransmitters are produced
5. Love Sushi -> Mercury poisoning
6. Hate fish -> Omega 3 deficiency
7. Love sugar -> Prediabetes

jjishere · Oct 30, 2014 at 02:12 PM

Same boat. Over 30 years here. Tried it all. Nothing works. Can't do this alone anymore. Lost everything ... job (many years ago), family and friends. Its a b****.
Anyone want to talk/support/leave a message for me.

I can't even think straight I am so down. It's an ordeal to even take a shower. can't leave the house. cant do anything. I don't care that I am saying this here. I am in bad shape.

If you believe in God, please pray for me. I am in so much pain. If you are also in pain and need a friend, I am caring person who will talk to you. Just post and let me know somehow..

Jannaku · Oct 31, 2014 at 02:11 AM

Hi jjishere,

Your post touched me. Although I don't suffer from treatment resistant depression, I have been right down there in what I call a "Dark Night of the Soul". It was the most horrible place to be and the way you have described yourself, sounds like how I felt at that time. I'm lucky because I was able to crawl my way out of the darkness, but there were many, many times when I was in the midst of it that I felt that I could no longer continue. The pain, despair and anguish was almost intolerable.

I pray that you can somehow find a way out of where you are at.

Please take care and be kind to yourself.

Love Jannaku x

jjishere · Oct 31, 2014 at 08:06 AM

I want to go back to 3 years ago and function the way I did then. I had bad times and good times and I did what I needed to do. Only thing I can think of why it got this bad is that I have lost two very important people in my life + therapist became a real B*** to me ... because I don't respond as she put it. She is putting me to fault for not responding. What??!!!. Blame the victim. I can't go elsewhere as that place is the only game in town and I can't go over her head as she is at the top there. Insurance doesn't cover anything but that crappy clinic. I so hate this disease.
If you care at all, if you have suffered at all, please pray for me. Thank you. JJ

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Rohag Legendary Member Since Feb 2009 Posts: 10,019 15 15.2k hugs given	Oct 27, 2014 at 08:08 PM #3 Hello & Welcome, WhatamImissinh. Anger seems a rational reaction to what you've experienced. Did ECT do anything for you, even in the short term? __________________ My dog mastered the "fetch" command. He would communicate he wanted something, and I would fetch it.
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