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I_prefer_not_to
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Member Since: Oct 2017
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5 yr Member
Default Oct 10, 2017 at 08:06 PM
  #1
Hello, I am new here. I'm struggling with an episode of MDD and nothing seems to be helping so, here I am. I don't have any friends and can't talk to family, they don't know what to do with me and I would just worry them.

Since April, I've been going to CBT with a clinical psychologist (Ph.D). The psychologist and my psychiatrist (pdoc) are in the same office. But I don't know if they compare notes. Whatever the plan is, it is not working and I am getting worse.

I have been taking Fluoxetine (Prozac), 40 mg for about six years now. Before that I tried a lot of others. In April, I was really agitated and irritable and the pdoc started giving me Xanax for sleep & anxiety, and Ziprasidone (Geodon) for the depression. I don't take the Xanax during the day. I won't because need to work (self-employed). If I feel anxious during the day, I smoke some weed or take a low dose edible and then I can still work.

I hate that I have to do this. It seems like I should be able to get through the day. But a couple months ago, I noticed that I started getting anxious (chest pressure, shortness of breath, psychomotor agitation) at around 11 a.m. So I've been self-medicating, hoping for a break in whatever has hold of me.

I'm not sure the therapy is helping. I do feel better after the sessions, but why am I still not pulling it together? How can I be in a depressive episode that isn't getting touched by all those meds?

Yes, eat right and exercise. But I'm past that point now. I'm at: grab whatever is handy and stuff in face, and spend hours talking myself out of the reclining chair.

Complicating matters are that I had a TBI in 2001. So my memory isn't good, neither is my concentration. Today, I washed my shoes and placed them on the trunk of my car to dry. Anyone can guess what happened next. One of my shoes is a mile down the road and the other has vanished. I didn't notice they were gone until I saw my shoe in the road, on my THIRD trip out of the house today. This is not functioning.

Do I sound like a sane person? Do I sound like a depressed person? An anxious person? I may have the following nihilistic delusions: that I am a worthless human being, that I'm going to hell if there is one, that no one likes me/could like me. But those are pretty benign delusions and I don't think they started recently.

But something has changed. *something* How do you dissect/excavate a depressive episode? Is there a why? Are there solutions? Or do I have to ride out this whatever-it-is until it runs its course?

Thinking maybe, even though I despise people and have social anxiety, I should force myself to do something social, like a meet-up or support group or even back to the church though I don't think I believe anymore? I'm really isolated, and only talk to people if it's work-related. I work from home/car and live alone.

I've lived alone since July. I had a roommate who was my only friend but he was a terrible & sick drunk and it was killing me to see and interfering with my business. I asked him to leave after ten years of living together. So there's that. Yes, an al-anon meeting would work too for the social thing.

How do you find the strength to keep on going when you have no one and nothing?
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markdl
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Member Since: Jan 2015
Location: Chicago
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Default Oct 13, 2017 at 10:13 PM
  #2
Wish I had the answers for you. I came here searching for them just like you. Hang in there and smoke one of those funny cigarettes for me. I've been tempted to try some myself. I've been dealing with this depression for about 20 years now and am still looking for answers.
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Miami223
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Member Since: Oct 2017
Location: Boston
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5 yr Member
Default Oct 14, 2017 at 03:31 PM
  #3
the top dr. at the top facility , McClean Hosp., Belmont MA, recommends in most cases where anti-depressents are employed, not to smoke weed. The usual and logical: a psycho-pharmacologist should review your mental health issues, and your drugs, before recommending weed.
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Princess1986
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Location: Havre de Grace,MD
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Default Oct 26, 2017 at 09:34 AM
  #4
I ,too ,have been depression resistant. I have been with the same counselor for 13 years.I am on Zoloft,Lithium. Lami,itrogine, Klonopin,Trazodonr and recently started on Latuda Nothing seems to be working now. I understand where you are coming fromHope things get better for you
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Laurenbean
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Member Since: Oct 2017
Location: Cleveland
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Default Nov 12, 2017 at 06:02 PM
  #5
Okay, in the same vein and the OP's issues, do doctors officially diagnose you with "treatment resistant depression" after x amount of meds have been unsuccessful. I feel like I've tried everything too. Honestly, I've only smoked a few times but I'm considering it again because I too can't shake the depression. Hang in there. You aren't alone!
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