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Old 09-22-2018, 02:48 PM #1
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Default The female price of male pleasure

My husband sent me this article. The female price of male pleasure

I went to the OBGYN because sex had become painful and guess what I was told?!?! To use more lube. Like seriously? Thanks.
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Old 09-22-2018, 05:45 PM #2
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Default Re: The female price of male pleasure

I've had similar issues. I'm sure lube was mentioned at some point, but in my case, it came down to a rare and unusual infection that they had to run a special test a couple of times to find. By unusual, I just mean the only symptom was that penetration and sustained contact with the whole area would cause pain/burning/irritation. But OB/GYNs I've seen run through a lot of possibilities to find out what's actually wrong. I'd go find a second opinion. I live in a conservative state. We can't be the only place with good OB/GYNs.

I couldn't find the line I really wanted to quote, but this is the general idea:
Quote:
But next time we're inclined to wonder why a woman didn't immediately register and fix her own discomfort...
I did, but the guy didn't listen. Nor did he use any amount of brain power to realize that penetrating me as hard and deeply as possible was going to hurt. Nor was I ever given a chance to just relax and "adjust" after that so it didn't hurt. Even though I'm pretty sure I mentioned that virtually every time it was an issue. I would conjecture that women don't say anything partly because they're ignored anyway.

Also, if it really hurts, should crying out in pain/tears/etc. be enough to get the man to stop or do you have to explicitly say "stop". I'm curious. I almost wish men could answer this thread because I want to know if the average man would continue when they know they're clearly hurting the person they supposedly "love".
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Old 09-27-2018, 04:41 PM #3
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Default Re: The female price of male pleasure

Men i know are only interested in their satisfaction. The fact the woman feels pain is totally unimportant. If they are not willing to every possible sex act at the frequency desired by the man the solution is simple. Dump current significant other and find someone that will meet comply with their requirements.

this is cause for high break up rstes including divorce. Most women understand refusal means loneliness as guys will ignore them,. consequently they fake total enjoyment and desire for as much sex as possible to be popular with men.
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Old 09-30-2018, 03:11 PM #4
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Default Re: The female price of male pleasure

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Originally Posted by bunnyhabit View Post
Men i know are only interested in their satisfaction. The fact the woman feels pain is totally unimportant. If they are not willing to every possible sex act at the frequency desired by the man the solution is simple. Dump current significant other and find someone that will meet comply with their requirements.

this is cause for high break up rstes including divorce. Most women understand refusal means loneliness as guys will ignore them,. consequently they fake total enjoyment and desire for as much sex as possible to be popular with men.
Only jerks will put their own satisfaction over their partner’s comfort. No matter if it’s done by female or male, good people won’t do that.

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Old 09-30-2018, 03:22 PM #5
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Default Re: The female price of male pleasure

Quote:
Originally Posted by Skull&Crossbones View Post
I've had similar issues. I'm sure lube was mentioned at some point, but in my case, it came down to a rare and unusual infection that they had to run a special test a couple of times to find. By unusual, I just mean the only symptom was that penetration and sustained contact with the whole area would cause pain/burning/irritation. But OB/GYNs I've seen run through a lot of possibilities to find out what's actually wrong. I'd go find a second opinion. I live in a conservative state. We can't be the only place with good OB/GYNs.

I couldn't find the line I really wanted to quote, but this is the general idea:

I did, but the guy didn't listen. Nor did he use any amount of brain power to realize that penetrating me as hard and deeply as possible was going to hurt. Nor was I ever given a chance to just relax and "adjust" after that so it didn't hurt. Even though I'm pretty sure I mentioned that virtually every time it was an issue. I would conjecture that women don't say anything partly because they're ignored anyway.

Also, if it really hurts, should crying out in pain/tears/etc. be enough to get the man to stop or do you have to explicitly say "stop". I'm curious. I almost wish men could answer this thread because I want to know if the average man would continue when they know they're clearly hurting the person they supposedly "love".
I asked my fiancé about this, this is his answer : “If a guy doesn’t respect that you are in pain then they don’t love you because the priority for a guy who loves you they would not bring you pain just so they can have sexual satisfaction.”

Also, no, you don’t have to cry out loud or screaming “stop”. If he really loves you then simply saying “it hurts”, would make him stop.
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Old 10-02-2018, 09:36 PM #6
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Default Re: The female price of male pleasure

Quote:
Originally Posted by Moreta View Post
My husband sent me this article. The female price of male pleasure

I went to the OBGYN because sex had become painful and guess what I was told?!?! To use more lube. Like seriously? Thanks.
That article was pretty eye-opening, I agree.

Your OBGYN's reaction is disappointing, but sadly, fairly common in a world where female pain is discounted by medical professionals (see The healthcare gender bias: do men get better medical treatment? | Life and style | The Guardian & The Girl Who Cried Pain: A Bias Against Women in the Treatment of Pain by Diane E. Hoffmann, Anita J. Tarzian :: SSRN). Female sexual pain seems to be even more easily disregarded.
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Old 10-05-2018, 05:21 PM #7
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Default Re: The female price of male pleasure

That's an ok article - however, it would also be important to consider how men and women's attitudes towards pain differ, and also consider individual experiences and preferences. The failing point is where the author claims women are ignoring pain during sex, but heavily relies on a study that claims the majority of young women rate their satisfaction of sex on the basis that it is not painful. So they are at once entirely focusing on it but also ignoring it?

Quote:
While women imagined the low end to include the potential for extremely negative feelings and the potential for pain, men imagined the low end to represent the potential for less satisfying sexual outcomes, but they never imagined harmful or damaging outcomes for themselves.
By the nature of sex, a female has a greater chance of injury than a male. That is a biological fact that both sexes should be well aware and know how to avoid - it should be something that is taught in sex education, but since sex is such a taboo topic in American culture, fat chance that will happen.

Yet I don't think you could fault too many men for having little worry over whether or not they will be harmed during sex. It would be more realistic that they'd worry about whether they would harm a female partner (if they are heterosexual). I doubt the interview was conducted to assess men's feelings on that topic in particular, as the interview was about what they considered satisfying. From a preview I found online, it said that LGBT participants and women were more likely to respond that satisfying a partner was satisfying for themselves - but the study isn't available to read to see how these interviews were conducted.

If the pain is due to a medical issue, that is definitely something that should be addressed more often. That is the most unbalanced issue brought up in that article, to me. Women in general are treated as more expensive, least studied, and most overlooked when it comes to medical issues, which is very odd. Weren't years of studies about heart attacks only conducted on men, for example?

Anyway, the people I've been with have looked to me for permission and direction about how they can behave sexually - and from conversations with them about it, that comes from a fear of harming me or being too aggressive. This article avoids the reality that many, many men are just as confused and unsure about sex as women are.

Women impose a lot of the expectations on themselves and each other more than men impose them on women, from my experience. Gosh - I don't even remember one instance where a man made me feel I should look a certain way or behave a certain way - all that came from other women telling me what men wanted. When I actually started talking to men, it was an entirely different picture - most of them said that the most attractive thing was that a woman was interested in him and made him feel important. That was pretty much it. So all this article's talk about how women endure so much pain trying to look good for men falls flat for me. I'm sure some men are shallow and petty about what a women looks like, but I don't think that is the majority.

On the perception of pain and boundaries - I think men do experience some pain during sex, but are less likely to register it as a problem.

I had a man tell me once that a woman tried to make love to him while he was unconscious, and when he woke up he was in pain for a week. I asked him if that bothered him or if he felt violated, and he said he didn't - he said that since he intended to have sex, but instead passed out, he didn't see why he should be upset. The fact that he was physically injured didn't seem to be a factor at all. Of course, if the genders were reversed, I can't imagine a women would respond that way.

I've accidently been too rough on men and never has one become upset over it. Once a partner's knees were bloodied and raw , and I don't think in an interview he would consider that "bad sex".

It seems like it goes a long way to know what your boundaries or thresholds are, and to not be intimidated by sex or your partner. It would be helpful if sex and healthy sexual relationships were more openly discussed in society so women could more confidently find their boundaries. It would help if everyone was more forgiving, realized that sex is messy and confusing sometimes, and there is no reason to be ashamed or judgmental of that. Maybe if more people had that attitude, both women and men could figure out what the other wants and needs without fear of persecution.
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Old 10-05-2018, 08:47 PM #8
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Default Re: The female price of male pleasure

Quote:
Originally Posted by 12AM View Post
I asked my fiancé about this, this is his answer : “If a guy doesn’t respect that you are in pain then they don’t love you because the priority for a guy who loves you they would not bring you pain just so they can have sexual satisfaction.”

Also, no, you don’t have to cry out loud or screaming “stop”. If he really loves you then simply saying “it hurts”, would make him stop.
All I might have done was flinch and say "ow". I complained more about pain and discomfort in the past and he didn't want to touch me at all. I wouldn't have wanted to NEVER have sex, even though that's what it practically turned into. And that's definitely my life now. Maybe that's why some don't complain about pain. They do actually want to have sex again and just hope that it won't hurt the next time. And if it's enjoyable too, that's just a bonus.
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