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Old 02-22-2019, 08:21 PM #1
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Default Need to justify being a housewife?

My friend is a housewife/ stay-at-home-mom, and she gets judged by some ladies for not working. But why does she have to justify her lifestyle? It's not like she is refusing to work and asking others for help. Her husband makes enough money so she is not bothering anyone for anything.
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Old 02-22-2019, 09:13 PM #2
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Default Re: Need to justify being a housewife?

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Originally Posted by ennie View Post
My friend is a housewife/ stay-at-home-mom, and she gets judged by some ladies for not working. But why does she have to justify her lifestyle? It's not like she is refusing to work and asking others for help. Her husband makes enough money so she is not bothering anyone for anything.
Many women unfortunately tend to be very judgmental of other women for any reason you can imagine...women who don't work...women who don't procreate...women who don't marry...women who marry early...women who marry late...working mothers...stay-at-home mothers...women who wear make-up...women who don't wear make-up...women who are thin...women who are not thin....women who partner with women...women who exercise while pregnant...women who do not exercise while pregnant....women who breast-feed their baby...women who use formula to nourish their babies...women who opt for natural childbirth...women who do not or cannot opt for natural childbirth....women who choose to have an abortion...girls who choose to have an abortion...women forced to have an abortion....girls forced to have an abortion....women living with a disability....women living without a disability....women who march to the beat of a different drum...women who conform....women of color....immigrant women...women of faith...atheist women.

I am sorry your friend is being judged. Perhaps she can be friends with some rational men-folk?
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Old 02-23-2019, 03:00 AM #3
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Default Re: Need to justify being a housewife?

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Originally Posted by HopefullyLost1211 View Post
Perhaps she can be friends with some rational men-folk?
Not sure if her husband would be ok with that (LOL).

And not sure what they mean when they say she needs to be
"contributing" when they have five kids. She does contribute in so many ways even though not financially. All the effort she puts into her household/ home schooling is priceless.
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Old 02-23-2019, 04:08 AM #4
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Default Re: Need to justify being a housewife?

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Originally Posted by ennie View Post
Not sure if her husband would be ok with that (LOL).

And not sure what they mean when they say she needs to be
"contributing" when they have five kids. She does contribute in so many ways even though not financially. All the effort she puts into her household/ home schooling is priceless.

Is it possible that some friends are jealous of her? Nice hub with good job etc. Whether or not she contributes is not their business. That would be like asking what she pays for her mortgage each month...a boundary issue. I don't know them but I imagine they are playing out some sort of personal insecurity. Perhaps they secretly envy her lifestyle in some way??

And yes, she is obviously working hard in life...there are various forms of work. Work in the home is of no less value than out. Sorry she has some judgmental folks around. Not a nice feeling.
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Old 02-23-2019, 06:49 AM #5
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Default Re: Need to justify being a housewife?

YES! I have fought this for years. I stayed home with my three kids and am still home. I take care of my husband and do all the "traditional" housewifey things. My youngest is 15 and she still needs me and loves that I am home. I can take care of her when she is sick and there is usually a nice meal when everyone comes home. I had so many women say things like:
"i wish I could afford to stay home"
"Why dont you volunteer, youre home anyway"
"must be nice"
"Do you ever think about doing something with your life?"
We give all sorts of credit to farmers raising cows and pigs and here I am raising HUMANS and I have to justify myself.
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Old 02-23-2019, 09:26 AM #6
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Default Re: Need to justify being a housewife?

Quote:
Originally Posted by HopefullyLost1211 View Post
Many women unfortunately tend to be very judgmental of other women for any reason you can imagine...women who don't work...women who don't procreate...women who don't marry...women who marry early...women who marry late...working mothers...stay-at-home mothers...women who wear make-up...women who don't wear make-up...women who are thin...women who are not thin....women who partner with women...women who exercise while pregnant...women who do not exercise while pregnant....women who breast-feed their baby...women who use formula to nourish their babies...women who opt for natural childbirth...women who do not or cannot opt for natural childbirth....women who choose to have an abortion...girls who choose to have an abortion...women forced to have an abortion....girls forced to have an abortion....women living with a disability....women living without a disability....women who march to the beat of a different drum...women who conform....women of color....immigrant women...women of faith...atheist women.

So true, women can be absolute *****es. And bringing up kids is a full time job in itself, it's conditioning that makes people think everyone should have a paid job and be paying taxes or they don't deserve to exist. Parenting is work, just because you are not contributing tax does not mean it is less valuable; it's one of the most important jobs to get right in the world, as you are shaping the personality, values and health of human beings, which will affect what kind of life they have, and how they treat and are treated by others.
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Old 02-23-2019, 05:54 PM #7
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Default Re: Need to justify being a housewife?

Reminds me of the online wars when my then husband and I were looking at the numbers and sorting through long term goals with the kids. I was working full time 52weeks a year when my oldest was born. Daycare was $297/week at that time. There was no price/bundle deal for 2 kids in daycare. Was $600/week even going to be worth it? Could budgets be adjusted to stay home? Was the extra few dollars(well I think closer to $50) a month at that time worth the aggregation? Wouldn't it be better to be there for the kids? Not have to dip into unpaid fmla time when called out for fevers etc?
So stay at home it was. I became pregnant just as I was handing in my resignation anyways with baby #3. I had had a lengthy maternity leave with baby #2 and had a true taste for what being home would feel like.
Even now I work school hours and I do really enjoy being here for them especially entering the teen years which was a very huge part of that stay home discussion.
I see so many before and after school programs along with summer programs for working families and that's a fair means to ensuring kids are safe and occupied.
But judgement...I've no room for at all.
I wouldn't judge a working mom as I don't know her details and I certainly wouldn't judge a mom home either as I don't know hers either.
Tossing who contributes what when and where to taxes and society?? Are they out of their minds?
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Old 02-23-2019, 08:48 PM #8
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Default Re: Need to justify being a housewife?

I just want to share that I am not a parent. My mother stayed at home to raise myself and my siblings while our father worked. Later, my mother returned to work due to financial problems. I have a sister who is a working mother. She loves her children and her job. Our other sister (not a parent) deems her "selfish" and "not a good mother" because she is a working parent. (???)

I support all women. Mothers or not. Staying at home or out in the workplace. If only we could be kind and understanding toward each other regardless of our differing life choices. This world will bring each of us plenty of knocks and falls, men and women, and so the petty judgments and comparisons only serve to add more pain.

I recently chatted with a new mother who feels that she gets judged by various people in her life for every single parenting decision she makes. I believe the only other person who should be weighing in on those decisions is her husband. Other folks should mind their own.
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Old 02-23-2019, 08:52 PM #9
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Default Re: Need to justify being a housewife?

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Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
YES! I have fought this for years. I stayed home with my three kids and am still home. I take care of my husband and do all the "traditional" housewifey things. My youngest is 15 and she still needs me and loves that I am home. I can take care of her when she is sick and there is usually a nice meal when everyone comes home. I had so many women say things like:
"i wish I could afford to stay home"
"Why dont you volunteer, youre home anyway"
"must be nice"
"Do you ever think about doing something with your life?"
We give all sorts of credit to farmers raising cows and pigs and here I am raising HUMANS and I have to justify myself.
Such condescending comments you received Sarah! Yikes. I could share the delightful comments I receive as a woman who has never been pregnant but I don't want to derail the thread
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Old 02-23-2019, 09:03 PM #10
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Default Re: Need to justify being a housewife?

I am not a mother myself, but my friends who are mothers say other mothers can be very judgmental of the way they raise their children. One friend can't breastfeed due to breast reduction surgery, and other mothers still give her a hard time for using formula. I am in no position to judge of course, but I don't think other mothers are really either.

I'm sorry about your friend, and I agree that raising 5 kids is work. I can't imagine doing that.
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