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Old 04-20-2019, 02:15 PM #1
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Default Women's Self-Esteem and Self-Respect

Hello ladies of the PC forum.

I am not throwing stones in any way, shape or form because I have had my own self-esteem issues and self-respect issues, especially when it came to some of the men I chose.

But I see several women on here with this issue, particularly with regards to the men they choose to get involved with.

It pains me to see this happening. It pains me that it happened to me, where I allowed my self-esteem and sense of self to be crushed by some man who, in the end, wasn't worthy of my love, heart OR attention in any way.

Please, if a man disrespects you repeatedly, please walk away from him. Please do not try to change him. Please do not hope that he will improve, "see the light" or suddenly respect you because you've said "ouch, that hurts me", or because you've tried to obtain his respect by explaining yourself over and over again, and by defending yourself repeatedly to him.

When you find yourself defending your very character in any way to any man, or if you find yourself defending & fighting for your rights to BASIC human decency, kindness, equality, and RESPECT within a relationship, PLEASE walk away from him. Not just walk, but RUN.

Please do yourself a huge favor and do not hope that he will change for you. He will not. He will treat ANY woman this way, not just YOU. ANYONE.

If I could have told myself this years ago, I could have saved myself from a lot of pain, tears, anguish and personal therapy.

I just hate to see women hurting themselves needlessly. Better to be alone and lonely than in pain and hurting immensely within a relationship.

Love should not hurt. Love should not bruise. Love involves RESPECT and love should be an enhancement to one's life, not a detraction and a derailment.

HUGS to all women on here.

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Old 04-20-2019, 02:28 PM #2
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Default Re: Women's Self-Esteem and Self-Respect

Iím one of those who hasnít walked away. Itís most likely my issues at the root of the relationship problem.

I have walked away from plenty of other bad boyfriends. I do have boundaries that were crossed.

In this relationship I blame myself and think a healthier woman could have handled it better without the dysfunction.

My relationship is improving now that Iíve adjusted my attitude.

Iím not a strong independent woman and never was. Iím too scared and donít want to give up all that I have with him.

Kudos to all who do what is best for them.
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Old 04-20-2019, 02:31 PM #3
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Default Re: Women's Self-Esteem and Self-Respect

Quote:
Originally Posted by TishaBuv View Post

In this relationship I blame myself and think a healthier woman could have handled it better without the dysfunction.
Why do you blame yourself? I am sorry that you're in a tough situation.
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Old 04-20-2019, 03:08 PM #4
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Default Re: Women's Self-Esteem and Self-Respect

Heís otherwise a good man. Weíre not compatible in one area of the relationship. Itís likely my attachment issue and trauma background that causes my dysfunctional coping with the problem. I know I canít change him. I need to accept him and be happy with what I have.
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Old 04-20-2019, 03:35 PM #5
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Originally Posted by TishaBuv View Post
Heís otherwise a good man. Weíre not compatible in one area of the relationship. Itís likely my attachment issue and trauma background that causes my dysfunctional coping with the problem. I know I canít change him. I need to accept him and be happy with what I have.
Is he respectful and does he treat you well? Thatís the main concern.
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Old 04-20-2019, 04:27 PM #6
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Default Re: Women's Self-Esteem and Self-Respect

Outside of this issue, yes he does. However... thereís a passive-aggressive dynamic to the dysfunction, lots of gaslighting. Itís hard to describe. My many past posts explain. I donít want to get myself worked up again.

Weíre with a new therapist. Maybe will get to the bottom of this one day.

Time is moving forward though, and we are making the most of life together. I am grateful for what we do have.
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Old 04-20-2019, 05:46 PM #7
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Default Re: Women's Self-Esteem and Self-Respect

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Originally Posted by TishaBuv View Post
Outside of this issue, yes he does. However... thereís a passive-aggressive dynamic to the dysfunction, lots of gaslighting. Itís hard to describe. My many past posts explain. I donít want to get myself worked up again.

Weíre with a new therapist. Maybe will get to the bottom of this one day.

Time is moving forward though, and we are making the most of life together. I am grateful for what we do have.
Hugs. Ok I wonít press you on it. But it does sound toxic. Good youíre working with a therapist. More hugs.
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Old 04-20-2019, 08:36 PM #8
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Default Re: Women's Self-Esteem and Self-Respect

I think its wonderful of you to give this advice, but when you're IN a situation like this, it is almost impossible to get out. Self-esteem and Self-Respect come from years of wisdom, and if you don't "walk in those shoes" you will never know how to get out.

I am not attacking your thread, I am just saying that a lot of people, (myself included), don't want to hear things like "walk away" and "run" if they are in that situation. I don't know what it is about it, but it's like we know we are wrong for putting up with a man's bad behavior and don't want to hear the truth. I say that because that's how I felt at a time when I was with a horrible boyfriend.

It's nice of you to create this thread, and I hope it helps women who are going through something bad with a guy.
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Old 04-21-2019, 04:45 AM #9
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Default Re: Women's Self-Esteem and Self-Respect

Itís a matter of what we are willing to tolerate. Itís also past experience of every relationship was a bit off, so the expectation that any other future relationship will be any better is doubtful.
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Old 04-21-2019, 07:39 AM #10
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Default Re: Women's Self-Esteem and Self-Respect

Quote:
Originally Posted by LadyShadow View Post
I think its wonderful of you to give this advice, but when you're IN a situation like this, it is almost impossible to get out. Self-esteem and Self-Respect come from years of wisdom, and if you don't "walk in those shoes" you will never know how to get out.

I am not attacking your thread, I am just saying that a lot of people, (myself included), don't want to hear things like "walk away" and "run" if they are in that situation. I don't know what it is about it, but it's like we know we are wrong for putting up with a man's bad behavior and don't want to hear the truth. I say that because that's how I felt at a time when I was with a horrible boyfriend.

It's nice of you to create this thread, and I hope it helps women who are going through something bad with a guy.
Ty! Oh I can appreciate where youíre coming from very much! I know that position myself and have been there a few times. Iíve had ppl tell me the truth and Iíve wanted to turn the other way even though I knew they were right. Iíve had trouble leaving an unhealthy relationship. I know the feeling of not wanting to hear the truth, especially when it doesnít fit your own vision.

My hope was to help women to feel that they can walk away and to know what they truly deserve. I know how complicated and hard it can be though!!!

I see a few women and I just want to tell them please respect yourself and love yourself more. You deserve SO much. You deserve respect, you deserve true love, you deserve kindness and human decency. We all do. Every single one of us.

Ty for your post! I appreciate your honesty!!
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