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Old 10-08-2019, 06:19 PM   #71
lillib
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@88Butterfly88 and @raging vortex

Thank you both for the luck! I'll need it. I have to revise my "statement of justification" (which is like a statement of purpose), and most likely continue revising it until all professors agree with the interdisciplinary approach I am applying for my master's thesis. I have to have a strong sense of what my master's thesis is before I submit my application, where two different committees will oversee it (one being a committee of 12 professors from all different fields, the other being my degree committee of 3 to 4 professors - my primary chair mentor/advisor, the director of the interdisciplinary program, and one or two more professors from other fields/disciplines). Interdisciplinary studies is not an easy field to apply for, but it is the only shot I have given that I'm 45, have limited career opportunities if I went with a specified discipline, and am interested in research/principal investigation among special populations within the community (most likely adults or adults with families). I'm not looking to do clinical work or any type of intervention, unless it solely involves referrals to other organizations or licensed clinicians. My hope is to find a scientific platform to allow the voiceless to voice what they weren't able to voice in traditional research settings, and to be objective (removing as much of my own biases as possible).

My hope is to learn how to conduct meta-analyses, systematic research, focus groups, pilot studies, program evaluations, latent class analyses, latent profile analyses, regression, and other multivariate statistics. I love statistics, but my brain fog from chronic fatigue coupled with a lapse in statistics education will make it challenging for me to jump back in.

Thankfully, they allow their grad students to attend part-time. I may see if I can take one class to begin with and then try for two later. I doubt I will be able to do the full load of three courses, but I'll see.

As an undergrad, I was able to do four classes, but no more than that. I received help from the disabilities office. However, in grad school, the mention of disabilities seems taboo, and I doubt that I can request that up front. If I can, I will. They will be aware that I'm a disabled veteran who will hopefully be funded through vocational rehabilitation, but I have to be accepted first in order to apply for vocational rehabilitation. I've already met with the VA rep there.

Anyway, I just want to fulfill a dream while also leaving behind a good legacy for my daughter. I keep in contact with the adoptive mom, as I have an open adoption. And it is my daughter's 17th birthday soon - this month. I'm hoping that the adoptive mom will allow me to send a card at least, or a card and a modest gift. I want my daughter to know that I've always loved her and she was always wanted. I also want to respect the adoptive mom's wishes because to love my daughter is to love her mom - her real mom - her adoptive mom. I'm just the bio mom, but it doesn't mean I don't care. I just didn't have the resources or healing I needed from all of my disabilities to care for her properly. Thankfully, I hear she is healthy, but I know that she struggles as an adopted child. I will forever feel responsible for that. If I could do anything for her, I would. My hope is to do something to help make this world a safer place for everyone to live in, even if I do research behind the scenes. That's all I want.

I'll keep you posted. If I get rejected, I can always try again there or elsewhere, or I can get therapy for all of my losses, or maybe all of the above. I'm open to it all - criticism, rejection, acceptance, correction, whatever.
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Old 10-08-2019, 06:21 PM   #72
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Thank you and good luck Thursday. I will keep exploring my options.
@88Butterfly88

Please keep us posted on your exploration of options. You will get there! I know it. Keep reaching out because there might be some others on here who have great suggestions for you. It took me taking a break for about 4 years to figure out what I wanted to do. I needed that break to heal a little. There's no shame in taking breaks.
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Old 10-09-2019, 01:40 AM   #73
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Struggling this morning a little bit. I need to take a shower but last time I had some back pain. Worried about it now. Sad that it's so difficult to take care of myself.
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Old 10-09-2019, 07:41 PM   #74
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@lillib Thank you, I will keep posting here.

Today I bought some video games online for 30 cents with free shipping. As long as they work I'm going to try to mark up the price and resell them. I also bought a few packages of unopened vintage trading cards for 10 cents a pack with free shipping. If I find one decent card in each pack I can turn a profit. This could become a business, I'll have to see. It wouldn't be in my field of study but that's okay.

@Deilla I hope you were able to shower. If showering becomes too difficult maybe sponge baths are an option.
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Old 10-09-2019, 09:15 PM   #75
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@lillib Thank you, I will keep posting here.

Today I bought some video games online for 30 cents with free shipping. As long as they work I'm going to try to mark up the price and resell them. I also bought a few packages of unopened vintage trading cards for 10 cents a pack with free shipping. If I find one decent card in each pack I can turn a profit. This could become a business, I'll have to see. It wouldn't be in my field of study but that's okay.

@Deilla I hope you were able to shower. If showering becomes too difficult maybe sponge baths are an option.
@88Butterfly88 That's awesome that you were able to do that, and I hope you make a good profit! You sound like you have a lot of good business sense!
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Old 10-10-2019, 09:33 AM   #76
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@88Butterfly88 That's awesome that you were able to do that, and I hope you make a good profit! You sound like you have a lot of good business sense!
Thank you! Others have said I have good business sense too. Hopefully you and they are right and I can get something going.
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Old 10-12-2019, 08:27 AM   #77
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hey lillib,

so how'd it all go?

hope it went well?
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Old 10-12-2019, 08:33 AM   #78
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fibro pain has been really bad this week.

so has my depression.

my positives from this week is that I've been eating healthy breakfasts every day (fruit), and I've started on a new book, actually a christmas story to get me in the mood for it.

I all ready am, I love this time of yea, but never too early to read/ listen to christmas stuff,
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Old 10-12-2019, 09:20 AM   #79
lillib
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hey lillib,

so how'd it all go?

hope it went well?
Awe - hi @raging vortex

I would have actually missed this if I hadn't scrolled down to see your post. I'm not sure how to check or search for posts addressed to me. I hope I didn't miss anyone else's replies. (My apologies if I have.)

So, the interview went great. I spoke with the professor and she suggested that I apply directly to their program instead of trying to do the interdisciplinary one. I was really pleased with that. I made the mistake of disclosing my disability status of PTSD and the vocational rehabilitation thing, but she also mentioned to me that they have an assistantship that would cover all tuition and pay a stipend. I'm not sure if I can handle that, since they aren't as lenient with the part-time as the other program (they require full-time grad students, which means 3 classes, and 20 hours on top of that for the assistantship). I asked her if I do get the vocational rehab to pay for my tuition, would I be able to volunteer only 10 hours in their lab for free, and she said sure. So now I have some options to cover graduate school funding. Yay!

I still felt tongue-twisted during our conversation, and I clearly wasn't ready for an interview, though this would make two interviews now. I kept ruminating about all of my mistakes in weird ways, but I also was happy and proactive about submitting a new application to their department.

I don't know if they'll accept me, but I do know that the application process starts all over again, which might mean more interviews. Asking my mentors for referrals again was a bit embarrassing, too, so it almost feels like Groundhog's Day with the resubmission of an application, the potential reinterviews (but with different people), and the drafting of a new version of my statement of purpose. I feel like everyone is judging me - and in all honestly, they have to because that's their job, LOL. It's scary to be judged. I'm hoping I get in, but I'm scared of actually getting accepted. I'm also scared of rejection, but I am prepared either way.

I cannot sleep. It's morning and I have a dinner outing tonight with my neighbor, and I still haven't slept but need to. I've been sort of on PC this entire time. PC helps because I can process a bunch of different stuff and then take my mind off of stuff when responding to others' posts here. My spirits feel a bit lifted. It really meant a lot that you asked how it went. I hope I'm more attentive like that when I'm getting to know everyone here on PC. There's a lot of people! Forgive me if I forget. I'll try to remember.

How are you doing?
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Old 10-12-2019, 09:27 AM   #80
lillib
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Originally Posted by raging vortex View Post
fibro pain has been really bad this week.

so has my depression.

my positives from this week is that I've been eating healthy breakfasts every day (fruit), and I've started on a new book, actually a christmas story to get me in the mood for it.

I all ready am, I love this time of yea, but never too early to read/ listen to christmas stuff,
@raging vortex

So sorry about your fibro pain and depression. That combo must be really hard.

I like how you stated your positives right under that, though. That speaks to your strengths! Fruit sounds yummy!

I love Christmas! I'm hoping to have enough money for a real Christmas tree, even if I cannot afford to decorate it fully. I also love the food and songs for that season. I wish Christmas were every day.

I forgot who was the one who wrote all the poems and stories for the littles in a DID forum. I started to read it and it really helped, and I forgot if it was you or someone else, but I'll figure out eventually how to get back there. I didn't respond, so I wasn't on the subscription list for that thread. I've met so many people on here from different threads or sections that I forgot who was who, LOL. Please forgive me. I'll eventually get it.

I hope your day goes well today!

I need to sleep; I still haven't slept, LOL. I will be back later though.
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