Rage of the Menopause Machine

Read the article.

Tell me what you think.

Where Are All the Books About Menopause? | The New Yorker

I find this statement quite offensive

"Signs of age are taken as proof that women are, strictly speaking, no longer of use."

age has nothing to do with it

@raging vortex

I found a lot of things offensive and sad. Is this what people think of us middle-aged women?

Thank you for saying that.

I am afraid of menopause because of these articles. Will I turn into a useless monster?

I wouldn't be afraid

artickles usually are out to make it worse than it is and scare you

same with anything- you may see an artickle about people who are abused at a care home, then that relative goes their and is treated like a 5 star resident.

I know it's diffrent, but in the long run it's really not

i laughed so hard at the Witch parts!!!
but seriously, im about to turn 37.. ive been overweight my whole life, ive almost always had a partner but have never felt truly attractive or like a go-getta, i think im experiencing perimenopause.. i have temperature issues some hot flashes, heat bothers me.. strange period events, vaginal dryness even when aroused, during sex.. so my body is definitely changing.
but strange things are also happening with my mentality as well. I really dont care so much how im perceived as far as attractive or not anymore, i am me, so be it. i like what i like, wear what i wear, and have always been this way, but a much bigger level of comfort in my sense of self is happening.
ive had a recent break up, well ongoing break up that has hit a final point. and im not interested in looking for the next, im finding that i want to explore myself and what i want on my own instead of being in a partnership or being a couple. that pair identity is not foremost important and urgent like it was.
I did find offence that from mens perspective the womans body is no longer useful (dry, wrinkled, saggy, etc) well in my eyes as they age they become lacking in areas as well but we shouldnt judge as people, and try to understand that all bodies change with age and we cant be 20 somethings and fit forever.
maybe its traumatic and life altering for some people. but ive always had rage burning inside me. so a new level of anger is just turning a page.
Peace be with us on all of our wandering

Quote:

Originally Posted by raging vortex I wouldn't be afraid artickles usually are out to make it worse than it is and scare you same with anything- you may see an artickle about people who are abused at a care home, then that relative goes their and is treated like a 5 star resident. I know it's diffrent, but in the long run it's really not

@raging vortex

Thank you!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Calypso2632 i laughed so hard at the Witch parts!!! but seriously, im about to turn 37.. ive been overweight my whole life, ive almost always had a partner but have never felt truly attractive or like a go-getta, i think im experiencing perimenopause.. i have temperature issues some hot flashes, heat bothers me.. strange period events, vaginal dryness even when aroused, during sex.. so my body is definitely changing. but strange things are also happening with my mentality as well. I really dont care so much how im perceived as far as attractive or not anymore, i am me, so be it. i like what i like, wear what i wear, and have always been this way, but a much bigger level of comfort in my sense of self is happening. ive had a recent break up, well ongoing break up that has hit a final point. and im not interested in looking for the next, im finding that i want to explore myself and what i want on my own instead of being in a partnership or being a couple. that pair identity is not foremost important and urgent like it was. I did find offence that from mens perspective the womans body is no longer useful (dry, wrinkled, saggy, etc) well in my eyes as they age they become lacking in areas as well but we shouldnt judge as people, and try to understand that all bodies change with age and we cant be 20 somethings and fit forever. maybe its traumatic and life altering for some people. but ive always had rage burning inside me. so a new level of anger is just turning a page. Peace be with us on all of our wandering

@Calypso2632

I laughed at those parts, too.

I get offended by what the men say, also.

You are so young still (I'm 45). I'm sorry that you're struggling with all those symptoms. An OB/GYN may be able to check for perimenopause. I don't know if I'm there yet, as I have fluctuating hot flashes, but more like once or twice a year, not every day.

(((safe hugs)))

Lilly2 (formerly lillib)

I also find that statement offensive, sad and stupid. grrrrrrr

((( safe hugs to all )))

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear I also find that statement offensive, sad and stupid. grrrrrrr ((( safe hugs to all )))

Thank you Fuzzybear. It was hard for me to read that article. (((safe hugs))) They deserve the grrs.

Honestly, I (unfortunately) gave up on reading the article because of all the pop-ups.

The entire subject of menopause is treated extremely strangely in western society. I certainly was not prepared for it and, yes, when I was younger, "menopause" meant a woman went from being youthful and desirable to being old and withered up. A has-been - but she was supposed to just accept her state of being and move along.

I had no idea that there are many years of life to be lived during menopause and after menopause! I'm still struggling with this "new me."

What I find extraordinarily odd is that not one of my medical team members (GP, pdoc, therapist) have mentioned menopause a single time to me. Not once. No, "How has your life changed after menopause?" - nothing.

If a 50-something year old woman came into my medical or therapy office the first thing I'd ask her about is her menopause and how it's affecting her.

That not a single medical professional has asked me about it gives me a message of menopause being taboo and not important enough to discuss. The reality is that, along with pregnancy, menopause has been the most outstanding event of my life. During/after menopause I am, in many ways, an entirely different person than I was - and I still don't now how to be now, who I am, and where I want to be.

Thank you soooo much for saying that @BethRags ... I am not there yet, but I feel my body transitioning, and not once has anyone addressed perimenopause or the emotional effects of aging transitions. Therapists should know this particular stage of development, and how it interacts with certain mental disorders.

I am sick of this being minimized, or considered a negative. I see people here with titles of "wise elder," I think, so too shall we embrace ageing with grace, as opposed to disgrace.

Thank you for your wisdom!

Quote:

Originally Posted by BethRags Honestly, I (unfortunately) gave up on reading the article because of all the pop-ups. The entire subject of menopause is treated extremely strangely in western society. I certainly was not prepared for it and, yes, when I was younger, "menopause" meant a woman went from being youthful and desirable to being old and withered up. A has-been - but she was supposed to just accept her state of being and move along. I had no idea that there are many years of life to be lived during menopause and after menopause! I'm still struggling with this "new me." What I find extraordinarily odd is that not one of my medical team members (GP, pdoc, therapist) have mentioned menopause a single time to me. Not once. No, "How has your life changed after menopause?" - nothing. If a 50-something year old woman came into my medical or therapy office the first thing I'd ask her about is her menopause and how it's affecting her. That not a single medical professional has asked me about it gives me a message of menopause being taboo and not important enough to discuss. The reality is that, along with pregnancy, menopause has been the most outstanding event of my life. During/after menopause I am, in many ways, an entirely different person than I was - and I still don't now how to be now, who I am, and where I want to be.

Lilly

You know, I fantasize about a therapeutic dynamic with a male therapist who has suffered through my menopausal years.

It goes something like this...

Male T: So, what would you like to work on today?

Me: My menopausal transition.

Male T: What?

Me: Yeah, you're going to share in my pain. <grins>

<thinks to myself>: If transference is a real thing, boy, is this T going to get an earful. Am I taking out my frustrations on him, as if he represented all of mankind, as in the male population? Am I role reversing and schooling him, so that he is kinder to his wife, whom I don't know?

Male T: I don't think I'm the best person to help you with that. Might I suggest a female T referral?

Me: No, thank you. I want you, in particular, to hear my pain, and hear it well. And if you love your wife, your future grown daughters, you WILL hear me out!

Male T: I sense some hostility and bitterness in you. I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that.

Me: Good! Let's discuss your feeling uncomfortable with that. You're damned right I'm hostile and bitter! This isn't an easy transition. Society makes me feel like a has-been, a withered old hag. I want to grow old gracefully, but you p***ks see us as weathered, hormonal b****es instead of wise women who have been there, done that, and bought the darned t-shirt for you *****s!

Male T: <looks horrified> I sense some negative transference going on here. Have you always seen men this way?

Me: No, dammit! It's these hormones, and society <starts to cry> and insensitive people like you - men, to be exact - who don't care at all. Who run off with younger women or the guys, and you never once had to deal with the pains of childbirth, stretch marks, stress incontinence, sagging birth pouches, harsh judgments, gender-based biases, and so on. You go on and pretend that we're crazed out of our minds with nothing but hormone-induced emotion dysregulation problems, and you know what? How the h*** do we regulate our emotions when society likes to toss us to the wind and see our shriveled and dried hoo-has as useless body parts that offer no pleasure? Yeah, I went there. How do YOU sleep at night?!

Male T: Maybe a psychiatrist might be better with helping you to regulate your emotions. Have you considered that?

Me: You don't get it, do you? It's an endocrine issue, a medical issue, not an emotional issue! And my life has changed dramatically! I'm growing hair where I thought no hair would ever grow. And you would think you males would be somewhat appreciative of that, given that you grow beards and all. Well guess what, some of us menopausal women do, too! Instead of seeing us as cute, you treated us with disdain. Of all people who should be appreciative of us is YOU MEN who have beards. You should feel like you're on even playing fields with us now that we have similar hair follicles! <yeah, I'm going off on a tangent here, and I'm really emotional at this point, but I don't care....>

Male T: <shakes his head, looks at the floor, and speaks to the floor...> Um, I don't know what to say. I can hear your pain.

Me: Yeah, but I want you to FEEL my pain <laughs inside, then giggles outside>

Male T: <notices that I'm laughing, looks frightened for a moment, then relieved the next> I can see you still have a sense of humor. Are you okay?

Me: Yes, I'm okay. I just wanted to let off some steam. I also wanted to see your reaction. But seriously, I'm dealing with all of these menopausal issues. Apart from hormone therapy, in case you didn't know, isn't there any advice or tools that you can offer to help me cope with the losses, the transition, and the emotion dysregulation that takes place during this time?

Male T: Let me do some research on that and get back to you next week, or maybe in a month, because this is going to take me a while. ...JOKING!

Me: <laughing and crying at the same time> Do you seriously need to research this?

Male T: Unfortunately, yes. I want to be ethical here, and I'll need to get some training in order to help you, unless you would like a referral.

Me: Oh no, I think there's something we both can learn here, and maybe you'd be more appreciative of your female family members.

Male T: This session is about you, not about my family. But curiously, what makes you think that I'm insensitive toward my family?

Me: Your lack of knowledge about this menopause thing! Duh!

Male T: I really don't know how to respond to that.

Me: <cuts T off> Is this transference?

Male T: Yes, and quite hostile! Do you want to talk about your hostility toward men?

Me: I'm not hostile toward men! How dare you?!

Male T: You stated earlier that you have emotion dysregulation issues from your menopause, and that you are upset with men. And then you projected your feelings about men onto me and my own relationship with my female family members. Can't you see that is a hostile reaction?

Me: Well, sorta. But that's not the point. The point is that I feel more men should know about this. You need to do research to learn about how to help me, and half the pre-menopausal women are no different, though in my mind, I see payback as a b**** when they reach my age and try to empathize with their own clients. But you men, you don't understand....

Male T: You mentioned in previous sessions about having been assaulted by a few men in your life. Could that not also factor in?

Me: Yes and no, and I don't want this to be about past traumas. Hell, menopause is traumatic, at least to me! I feel like a completely different person, and no one, not even you, gets it. How do you sleep at night knowing that your own wife will go through this one day? How? You're not prepared. You think my "hostility" is bad. Just wait and see! It's even worse outside the therapy room! I swear, you should be paying me to help you understand your wife better when she gets to that stage.

Male T: Well, time's almost up. Let's continue this in a month. I'm going to take a vacation.

Me: <sniffles> Okay. <leaves office with mixed emotions>

--I don't know how to make this dialogue funny. I'm sort of pretending here because I'm not yet at the stage of menopause. I may be approaching perimenopause though. I'm experiencing anticipatory anxiety, and so I'm trying to find a humorous way to deal with it. Can any of you women who have experience with menopause come up with a better, more funny dialogue - or even a serious one?

HILARIOUS, Lilly!!!