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rechu
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#1
Ugh, just need to vent. There is this woman that has been working in my department for the last months that I can't stand!!!
First of all, she will constantly write me to ask me really specific questions about something I updated 6 months ago, a year, or more, just because I was the last one to look at it. We deal with so many different projects, that it is very unlikely I am going to remember the specifics of something from that long ago. Wouldn't you agree? I tell her this, but she keeps doing it. So, today she started in on this again. It was a new project write-up that I did ages ago. Then she started lecturing me about how I shouldn't have done the write-up in the first place, that it didn't fit our criteria. The value was low, but it was one segment of a larger project that did meet the criteria, so I did it. She just loves to act like she knows everything, In our meetings she is the same. I remember at that time I did that write-up, my boss decided that a few of us could only write new projects 3 for months, which is much more time consuming and tiring than updates. I was one of the people that had to do that. On top of that, most of the projects on the list were kind of crappy things like that, so I didn't have much choice but to do them. I was going through some personal problems and my boss was on my case to get my production stats up, so I had to take those projects to get my stats up, still that woman keeps on insisting I shouldn't have done it. Finally I sort of lost my patience and told her to leave me alone and not to judge since it was not my fault that I was stuck in that position. I guess she thinks I am mean now. Thanks for listening, I just can't take it today! Last edited by rechu; Jan 08, 2019 at 12:31 PM.. Reason: Typo |
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seesaw
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#2
Good for you for standing up for yourself. If she is not your boss and this stuff was from so long ago, I would tell her that you do not have time to discuss old projects and that you have no relevant information to add, period. I think you telling her that you were directed to do those projects should be enough. If your boss tells you to do a task, you do it, period. She needs to respect that.
__________________ What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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#3
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That’s annoying. I’m so done with annoying co-workers. I would have blown her off too. I’ve gotten better at acting really busy and forgetting to follow up on low priority items. It’s passive aggressive.... but beats dealing with the nonsense. I’ve grown weary of people creating conflict when I was direct with them. I had a really bad situation with it... But when the situation warrants direct communication to back off... good for you! |
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Medusax
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#4
Ahh the workplace...such a wonderful place to have to go to everyday...
__________________ I go about my own business, and keep my mind on myself and my life. I expect the same courtesy from the rest of the world. |
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saidso
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#5
I agree with Seesaw about telling her you were directed to do these projects, etc. High five Seesaw.
Also, this sounds like a power play/ power game. The rules of power games are that you can be as mean as you think you can get away with, or you can use humour, or you can do what Seesaw says and coolly invoke the rules! We don't like power games when have stuff going on internally, but they are like drunk drivers... part of the big wide world. "It's just work, just stuff..." I think it's important to separate personal emotional intimate stuff from work, sigh, consciously put on a protective metaphorical raincoat which you keep in the locker. Breathe deep but put vulnerability some place safe and know it's ok. Hugs! |
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#6
P.S. You did good!
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healingme4me
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#7
she already thinks she can do it better, might as well allow her to add mean to the 101 other things that she thinks.
Must be so hard to be her, feeling all those things that she does that affect how she treats others, ya know? |
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rechu
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#8
Thanks all!
Yeah, I try to keep work and life separate when I can, but I am under a lot of stress from both sides lately and it seems to take its toll on me at times. I am not functioning as well as I should and I let these sorts of things get the best of me. I guess at least it seems like she hasn’t gone whining to our boss. Nothing has been brought up with me. I kind of wonder if she got the job due to connections or maybe she is a bit slow cognitively and gets some sort of accommodation, because anyone else with the low production statistics she has would have never made it past their probationary period. Maybe it’s mean, but I found a document that could be very useful for the both of us. If the woman that had the job before her were still here, I would have shared it. But, with this person, forget it! I can make use of it to update a variety of things it appears and help my numbers. Sadly, since the job has become all about the numbers, it’s dog eat dog. So, why help someone like her? |
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#9
I've honestly never managed to keep work and life separate... but I did work in a really bad environment for 8 years. I used to cry at night about it, but at that time it was what I needed to do to survive.
Real life always seems like a mess, but I dialogue inside a lot these days and that helps. Rev2 said something to me about there always being love and power, and methinks my inner self is always wanting love but my outer self deals with power struggles or slithers around between the two. Boom! I try to do some sort of calmness practice. You do ok, don't worry about being mean. Yes, it's all about numbers but with a few spaces for fun. |
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Medusax
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#10
MY work place is not an office situation...it is production. We don't have to do anything but what is in front of us. We don't need to ask each other questions or present ideas or anything of that nature and I like it that way. I don't make friends at work unless it is a very special person. I have ONE friend and he is just like me: mouth shut, hands to work, minds his own. The biggest problems there are gossip, and those who like to cause trouble for others, aka snitches. Personally, I am not interested in any of it and I cannot imagine being so. All I want to do is get my work done as efficiently/accurately as possible, and go home to MY world.
__________________ I go about my own business, and keep my mind on myself and my life. I expect the same courtesy from the rest of the world. Last edited by Medusax; Jan 12, 2019 at 06:46 PM.. Reason: grammar |
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#11
^^^^you sound like me, in wanting to go in, do the job and go home to your own world! Yes! The snitching thing it is irksome as I've experienced it at a level where some of what's transpired is either fabricated or some type of sabotage on some bizarre level. You'd think it was dog eat dog as though there is some major competition between one another when there's actually a bigger picture to consider in my workplace.
I think the "change" this year is that my boss was hopeful before the season began to establish profit and loss reports by site. That is in an ideal world. And who knows I'm days away from that bin of data entry with the spreadsheet that I created at the end of last season. But it's not like the boss doesn't typically write glowing performance reviews year after year. And those reviews do not affect our contractual raises nor do we receive bonuses nor commissions so dog eat dog is completely lost on me where a couple specific individuals are concerned. I don't get it. They did this to the last person in my position as well. It's like...stop. Just...stop. Which is where I'm at with them. Last edited by healingme4me; Jan 12, 2019 at 11:05 PM.. Reason: Sentence structure. |
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#12
I'm so sorry, rechu Yes, workplace can be very stressful, but I think you're doing a great job by handling it. Good on you for standing up for yourself! I hope you'll feel better soon. Hopefully this stress won't last forever. Just try to do your best at work, like you're already doing, and you should be fine. Keep writing here if it helps. Sending many hugs to you
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#13
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#14
Do you have to interact with her?
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rechu
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#15
sarahsweets - I don't interact with her in person since I work from home. But it is the interactions I have with her over chat that is annoying me. We do research and are supposed to make a certain number of attempts to get information - internet searches, phone calls, e-mails. If I sent an e-mail and haven't gotten a response I put a note indicating this and that I will add additional information if they answer.
Before the most recent, larger annoyance, EVERY TIME I put a note like this, she would write to me to ask if I ever got a response. Ummm, had I received a response I would have added the new information. I tell her the same thing every time, if you don't see any later information added, it's because I didn't get an answer. But she still insists on bugging me It's like she thinks just because someone worked on a project at one point in time, they have some ownership of it and should help her. Sorry, but we deal with so many things on a daily basis, I often don't remember many details of something I saw a month ago, let alone a year ago. I do leave everything well documented with sources that she can read, and my responsibility ends there. Buffy01 - sadly, my boss is one of those that says her door is open when it really isn't. Trying to discuss anything with her has proven futile. On top of that, she likes to play favorites and politics and I am not one of her favorites. I would like to eventually change jobs, but my husband and I are in the final phases of purchasing a house, so it's not really the time. Once we can get moved in and settled, it will be a better time to consider my options. Sometimes I wish I had the type of job where I don't have to deal with people. |
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saidso
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#16
Rechu - you prob gonna hate me for this! There aren't many jobs where we don't have to deal with people at all. It's a stressor but hey, I look at all the people who I depend upon in my community - energy workers, bank clerks, bus drivers, farmers, postal workers... - they get to deal with constant 'b's and you just got one behaviour here you don't like. You have proved that you can handle it irl when it comes up, so perhaps now look at why you are carrying it around like a mad cat in a paper bag?
Yeah I carry around mad cats too, but I do also ask myself whether it's worth the fight. If it is, why not just send her a polite note in writing: "we deal with so many things on a daily basis, I often don't remember many details of something I saw a month ago, let alone a year ago. I do leave everything well documented with sources that you can read." - this is good enough, say something polite about hoping she will see your point of view, and copy it to your boss if you want to do so. You are not being antagonistic just getting on with keeping up your quotas. You are smart and can think how to phrase it better than I can. There, now you hate me! If you want to keep venting and it helps - great, but ask youself whether it wouldn't feel better just to deal and let go? Please don't hate me, just trying to supportively keep perspective on this complex stuff of emotions, big decisions, people, obligations - because regardless of what work you do, the cat will keep thrashing around until you let it out the bag... <smile, and warm hugs if you accept them!> Sort managing her behaviour and your feelings of irritation in a way that gives you confidence in yourself for the future, and count it as a win. Respectfully! Saidso Last edited by saidso; Jan 14, 2019 at 08:25 AM.. |
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#17
P.S. Not writing that from a place of denying your/ my vulnerability or criticising. I agree with MedusaX about trying to come home to my own place where I recognise myself. It is constant hard work to maintain that safe place internally.
Writing from a place of... you are good at your job, you will do well in the future, you will need these dealing with other people skills and you will need managing your irritation. That's what I still say to myself when people bug me: this is not life or death, it is not my family, as an adult I can make mistakes. I get choices about how I project my feelings and negotiate with other people's projections. |
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rechu
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#18
Thanks saidso. I know most jobs require interaction with people, I was just speaking hypothetically.
In general, I am just so agitated with my whole living situation. Although, I know it is going to change soon, more than six months of having to deal with the noise, the fighting cats, neighbor getting in my face threatening me, the falling apart house, etc. has taken its toll on my coping skills. Both my husband and I are at a breaking point most of the time. So, work drama, like having this woman talk down to me is not what I need right now. If I were in a better place mentally, it would be easier to shrug that off. Once I did write to her, trying to be nice, that it’s a lot to expect for someone to remember something they worked on a year ago, considering all the things we work on and that she is going to have to try and figure it out by herself, but she keeps doing it. |
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rechu
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#19
I actually had to work with her on one thing and managed to control my worst impulses so it went okay. I survived.
But then the people in our sector had a call today with our boss and she was back to being irritating. The whole time she went between kissing my boss' butt and trying to tell everyone else what to do. Maybe she should focus more on her own work. She consistently has by far the lowest production stats. People who do better than her have been fired or threatened with firing. I get the feeling she must be related to one of the higher-ups. That's the only explanation I can come up with. |
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rechu
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#20
Oh, and now she is complaining about how the people in the company profiles area are slow to enter information she sends them. If we make a contact doing research, for example, we send the information for them to input. Again, she's acting like she knows how everyone else should do their job, and, how can she criticize anyone for being slow, when she works slowly, hence her low production numbers?
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