[LeftOutOfAndBullied]

Hi,

I'm in academia & I have a question about a situation with a co-worker. Before I get to that, I need to say a few things. I don't think therapy or psychology, or psychologist's, are much help. In fact, I think that the whole process oftentimes makes things worse. There is a history to that statement, one that I won't go into right now.

So, you may wonder why i'm posting if I don't believe in therapy. I believe that others can help with specific situations, especially other psychologists who might be able to provide insight into my current situation, which involves an LCSW wife of a colleague who likes to hang out in the office space in which I work. The job sucks, I've handled that part and am interviewing as often and as quickly as I can to get out of it. My boss lied to get me to take the job (like I said, I'm in academia w/no Ph.D. - I'm a researcher on grants), so having this woman around is like rubbing salt into a wound. And I'm stuck in the workspace I'm in until I get a new job - yes, that relates to the lie my boss told me.

To the question: like I said, she is an LCSW. She also is working for the same university, so it's completely copacetic that she is in the lab in which I work. There is, literally, nothing I can do to keep her out of it. So, she's fond of pushing her expertise onto others. She'll ask a provocative question to get an answer she can then apply her expertise to. I hate it. i want to tell her to shut the **** up, but I can't. I have to be welcoming to anyone that wants to be in the lab as it is public space.

Case in point, briefly: she said something that made me want to relate a story from my past. She then pronounced my story as an example of 'fear based education' and bad. I then told her that no one had yelled or threatened any of my classmates and that the 'fear' of which she spoke wasn't bad at all - it was useful & got the class to quiet down. Later, she decided to inform the world (as part of another conversation) that as an LCSW she is licensed to diagnose people.

Here's the deal, and it feeds into my criticism of psychology as a profession: what's wrong with you people?

"Fear based communication is bad" -statement 1.
"I am licensed and can diagnose people" with a nod toward me -statement 2.

What part of these two statements does this profession not see as hypocritical? How is saying "I can diagnose you" not fear based communication; fear of judgement by a professional in the workplace is not empowerment, as social justice would have one believe. it is a warning, and with the nod toward me a directed warning designed to cause hesitation.

I said nothing offensive & have never said anything close to offensive in my job. What the **** should I do about this woman who is very CLEARLY from my perspective overstepping her boundaries? When is society finally going to put this kind of passive aggressive, but very nearly aggressive, behavior by women in its place? I am angry about this.

What I want is very simply, a way to respond to her that will 1.)let her know that I don't appreciate her attempts to analyze the world & 2.) do it in a way that will make me feel better without being aggressive.

[saidso]

Ahem, some psychologists seem to be just like you describe. I worked briefly for one who behaved in an identical way, i.e. domineering. It was the most extremely negative interactive experience in my life because either had to conform or be irrationally aggressed. Seems like they feel qualified to expound, and are intensely hostile to any attempt at humour or humanity - giggle, I tend to enjoy both.

I feel for you!

Perhaps the profession attracts certain rigid personality types.
You are doing everything that you can do. There is no point trying to deal with your feelings about this women any place except internally in my humble experience.

Perhaps others will have better ideas. The way that I keep myself on track with difficult personalities is to focus hard on what I can learn from the situation and let the rest flow over my head. Sometimes unexpected good things come from bad situations.

[sarahsweets]

Is a licensed clinical social worker the same as a psychologist? I was under the impression they were different and that neither isn't necessarily trained to diagnose people. I am not trying to offend anyone but IME a psychiatrist does the diagnosing and the LCSW and Psychologists do most of the treating? Do I have it backwards? Either way I do not care if she is the best PHD in the country she has zero business telling anyone how to live or feel or even what is wrong with them if they aren't consulted, asked or treating someone. She sounds like a self important ***. I am trying to think of something you could say to her at least if she does that again and I too am getting angry and when I get like that its so hard to keep my sarcasm out of the picture.....
Nice and brusque: " Thanks but I got this!"
Sarcastic: "wow, you give out free diagnosis's and therapy too?"
Firm: " I have spent X years researching this-and yes-without using web md- so I think I have a handle on the situation"
Sarcastic: "Wow, I am so glad you told me how to feel about my own experience- I'll text you next time and run things by you first, when I feel that I need your clarification"
Equally passive aggressive: "Woa..someone has issues"
Gossipy:"Ooo tell me more about this situation!"
Stinging&evil: " Does your partner/GF/BF know about these issues of yours?"
Brutally honest: " Thank you for completely missing the point of this entire exchange"
Cruel: " You are a complete and utter b**ch"
Honest:" You know, last time you gave me feedback, I felt like you ignored what I said and commented based on what YOUR feelings were and it was not accurate"

Really I am just being silly and I do not expect you to say any of that I just got all fired up. I am sorry your professional environment and obvious credentials are being blatantly ignored.

[divine1966]

She sounds obnoxious. We all had a “pleasure” of meeting annoying people at some point. Not sure if it’s in your job description to converse with her and sharing your personal stories, if not it’s probably better to not engage with her at all.

I do have a question about the following quote from your post “When is society finally going to put this kind of passive aggressive, but very nearly aggressive, behavior by women in its place? “

Why is it important that she is a woman as obnoxious people can be of either gender? And why collective “women”?

Also why do you think society needs to be dealing with passive aggressive coworkers (or not even coworkers in your work place)? Why do you see it as a society issue? And how do you think society could make annoying inappropriate people to be less annoying and less inappropriate? Do you think society has such power?