advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
jaymoq
Member
jaymoq has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jun 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 156
8 yr Member
5 hugs
given
Attention May 09, 2019 at 10:53 AM
  #1
Lately work has been crazy. I've been training several new staff members, I travel for work and most days put on at least 100+ miles, and in general its just a chaotic time. I have never been so medicated. In fairness, I also just bought a house and moved, so that added to the stress. But, I feel like my performance has suffered. My boss and coworkers are attributing it to me being lazy or not caring. Obviously, that's not the case. But sometimes it's all I can do to get out of bed.

This week, I had a manic episode and ended up self-harming pretty bad. I stayed home the last 2 days to hide the injuries. I mean, what can I say?

I work with at risk teens too and I didn't want to be a trigger. My boyfriend says no one will know. Just say I got hurt on my ranch. But I don't want to keep putting on a brave face. And I don't want to keep getting turned down for promotions because my work ethic is being questioned.

I can do my job. I do it really well, actually. Even on my worst days, I'm doing a pretty darn good job. I never miss deadlines. All my trainee's are doing well. But, still- when I have my manic or depressive swings, I get in slumps and while I meet my quotas, I don't exceed them.

I feel like I need to disclose. Like I need to get some understanding here instead of being criticized. I know that there are risks associated with disclosure. People WILL look at me differently. But, if I'm already being penalized now because my performance is impacted by my mood, then is it really that much different?

If I try to say I'm overwhelmed now, I'm dismissed as trying to dodge work.

Anyone have experience in this? I am familiar with the laws in the US (part of my job is to help teens ask for accommodations/address mental health on the job/etc.) but it is different when its me and my job. This is a more significant job. I am licensed. I am responsible for the ethical welfare of my clients. I don't want anyone to worry I can't do the work. Just sometimes, I need to take a few days to handle my swings before I interact in this capacity. Yknow? But I don't want my absences to be looked at as 'fun'. They are usually me, sitting in the dark, not leaving the house, not eating, and just generally withdrawn OR so manic and frenzied my house is suddenly spotless, I've waxed the floors and deep cleaned the oven and built some new structure and changed my brakes. That sort of craze.

__________________
|| Does the walker choose the path, or does the path choose the walker? ||
jaymoq is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote

advertisement
seesaw
Human
 
seesaw's Avatar
seesaw grieving
 
Member Since: Apr 2014
Location: Home
Posts: 8,341 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
1,262 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 09, 2019 at 03:49 PM
  #2
So I presume you meant bipolar disorder and not borderline personality disorder.

I have disclosed previously. And I have a senior level, upper management, leadership position. The only time to disclose is if you need accommodations. It does not sound like you are requesting accommodations. You just feel pressure because you can't go above and beyond, even though you are performing at a satisfactory level. It sounds like you feel guilty because occasionally you take sick days (and you are sick even if it's a mental health disorder) and that you should have to explain. You know very well you do not have to explain. I have had to request accommodations, and even though I only disclosed to HR, everyone knew because I have a service dog. And I assure you having everyone know is not fun. Even just having HR know and your boss know, if they aren't understanding, is not fun. But regardless, I know we want to end stigma, but there is no reason to disclose any personal information including health related, if you don't need to.

If you do need to ask for accommodations, like more sick days or time off, or not meeting quotas, then I would disclose. But FYI, disclosing will not change anyone's opinion that you are lazy or not doing enough.

I hope this helps.

__________________


What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?

Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
seesaw is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 05:18 PM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.