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Anonymous45521
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Default May 18, 2019 at 08:32 AM
  #1
So my friend has struggled with an abusive boss for 6 years. For that time I begged her to apply for other jobs as I told her that his boss was trying to get rid of her. She refused. But finally this week that boss had enough. She has been removed from working with him. But still has a job. They are making up a position for her. The only consequence was that she will get less money. Not a lot less.

But I resent her a lot...

1. I used to have a terrible boss. He was abusive and he RUINED 10 years of my life with his harassment. But when I was under the gun, these same people refused to assist me in anyway. They wouldn't give me any other job. Even when I applied.

2. She has this thing where she works about 4 minutes from her house. This is why she wanted to keep the job. Everyone wants to work in this location as it is easier to get to and it is cheaper and they are going to keep her there, even though, I have an hour and 1/2 commute every single day to go into the city even though I don't live very far from the city.

3. I never deserved my harassment. My boss constantly admitted I did a good job and gave me good reviews. But still harassed me and demanded I do demeaning things... but my friend simply is not capable of doing the job and frankly probably shouldn't have been in it.

So basically, if you are a mess up... you get rewarded. She now has a job that is just a little less pay than before and she gets to not have to deal with the stress that I do.. I would actually love to transition to such a position but there just aren't any for me.

I don't want my friend to lose her job but... I am frustrated.
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Default May 18, 2019 at 09:45 AM
  #2
companies change. times change. policies change. maybe they can't fire that boss but can reassign those that are under him....it's not a win win but this way the company keeps rolling along without much drama.

you can be jealous but your friend got reassigned to a lower position with less $$. in this economy that sucks. and perhaps they really liked their position, regardless of their boss...applying for new jobs, positions , etc it will be difficult to explain the position change. and she went from a higher level position doiwn to a lower one. that's never good...

as for your harassment..that sucks too...you had the option to complain and yet you did not. perhaps there is a little jealousy happening here...if only I had complained then I would have been moved to the closer to home place & not have the commute. truth is, you don't know. you have no way of knowing hwat the outcome would have been. don't make her situation yours. she suffered for 6 years....

she did the work for those 6 years..obviously she was able to perform or she would have been terminated. if she is your friend, true friend, then suck it up and stick by her.

how did she mess up & get rewarded? she was harassed at work? not her fault. no one asks for that. she complained..either filed under company polies or state, etc. and they acted on it. obviously they (mgt) thought the complaint valid. so again how did she mess up?

don't bring your anger onto her. why would she lose her job? if she is performing well then there should be no issue...performing at the level stated in the job performance standards...not yours. again your jealousy is clouding the issue. she is not totally incompetent if she is still employed.

want a job with less stress? let your supervisors know, but be aware they may come with less $$ and be at the same facility you are at now ...with the longer commute. be careful with what you want & ask for.

I sound harsh but it's the truth. having been a manager, I have low tolerance for those who complain about the harassment on their jobs but yet do nothing about it. if there is something wrong, let's work to fix it..a happy workplace is one that is the most productive. I don't want someone there who is a harasser nor do I want folks who are miserable all the time.

I also speak as someone who reported fraud and was dumped from a high level position into a much lower level one..sure it sounds like a great deal but it's not.
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Default May 18, 2019 at 10:35 AM
  #3
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Originally Posted by resurgam View Post
as for your harassment..that sucks too...you had the option to complain and yet you did not.
Where did I say that? Oh I complained and I got no place. Why? Well obviously they didn't like me as much.

She didn't really do the work for 6 years. She has been on performance plan after performance plan.

In fact, we all share a stressful time and because of her inability to do the job... most of us had to take on more.

Lesson learned.. I am going to do a worse job going forward.
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Default May 18, 2019 at 10:49 AM
  #4
" I never deserved my harassment. My boss constantly admitted I did a good job and gave me good reviews. But still harassed me and demanded I do demeaning things.."

there must be some reason the company still has her employed after all those years. if indeed it was so terrible, with the economy today I would have thought they would have let her go ...so she must be doing something right. frequently as a manager you see things in a different light then as an employee. there is a totally different view ..your friend has some value to the company or she would be gone .

honestly I would be wary of your "i'll just do a worse job going forward" attitude....she got reassigned, you might not be as lucky...you don't know the details of management's decision...the why's of what they did......be careful. they had a place for her, you might not be so lucky.
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Default May 21, 2019 at 10:45 AM
  #5
Whatever you think you know about the situation, you truly do not. Times changed from when you were in your situation. If you feel doing a "worse job" will work out for you, that's your choice, but I would be wary that it might backfire.

It's your decision.
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Default May 23, 2019 at 05:17 PM
  #6
I'd be a friend to your friend and spend less time resenting her. Her situation is hers. Yours is yours. It doesn't sound like her situation really affects/affected yours.

Most workplaces have their negative points. Kiss ups who do less than others often get promoted, while the ones who kick *** don't, often. People you think should be booted because of behavior, or lack of productivity, are often kept way beyond their time. People often don't get the appreciation they deserve. Way too often, bosses take credit for work that their subordinates do. People with high level educations are sometimes asked to file or get coffee for a meeting. It can really suck! Yes, we should stand up for ourselves when we feel wronged or abused. Sadly, sometimes those abused are not heard. We can live a life resentful, or we can move on or say "No!" to things. We sometimes must swallow our prides or when we really can't accept something, we stand up for ourselves and accept the consequences. We can say "That is so unfair that I was fired (or demoted or passed over) because I said I wouldn't do X!" We can also say "Well, I may have been fired or demoted or passed over, but I feel really good that I refused to do X and was able to give the sucker the middle finger on my way out". That can often be one of the few satisfactions from a particular situation.
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Default May 24, 2019 at 05:57 PM
  #7
Well the news broke today and I was gratified by the reaction of others. People are actually quite mad. This probably was a management issue as the job they said she would be doing clearly is NOT a full time job.

1. Previously they did this thing with another person who was, lets be honest, just lazy. This person has gone on to have quite a reputation for being lazy. His job is now to cover for other people but, when he covers, he does a poor job. Also, if he has even one small thing to do in the morning he isn't available to cover for you. So basically it is rare he is available to cover for you. You can just see him sitting around all day.

2. the way this was described it seems like she will be helping out management, management which doesn't need help. It is the rank and file that need help.

3. They did suggest that she will need to travel for this job but she seems to suggest that isn't really the case. I hope that isn't true. This job is covering for others so .. if she isn't doing that she will be doing nothing.

4. Today was my friends first day back after a forced week off. How I would drool for a forced week off. We had talked about how she has to take this job and really kick butt in it. But to my frustration she went in for an hour and went home. She just couldn't "take it". Err, what? Way to get off to a strong start!?

Basically I could hear a lot of people complaining that it isn't fair that people kill themselves to stay in their jobs and then people wash out of their jobs and get rewarded for it. They get a low stress, low requirement job, 10 minutes from their house and though they take a pay cut, it isn't that severe.

I am also concerned that this is going to blow up in my face. I shared this with two people. One I couldn't really help as she wanted to complain on my friend and I asked her not to as not to get her in trouble. And another I do trust. But now my demoted friend makes it like I can't tell ANYONE and this is the SHAME of her life and if ANYONE KNEW she would be devastated. Err... please -- EVERYONE KNOWS. But she will be able to take out her anger on me if it is discovered.

She just pissed me off by comparing my abuse to her. Saying that my abuser didn't get rid of me. I am not going to respond but of course he didn't. I DID THE JOB. YOU didn't. That is the elephant in the room. She has a personelle file filled with issues before this. Once calling her manager a swear word and being written up for insubordination. My file has nothing in it. Maybe I just have to stop being her friend because maybe she does have to accept that she blew this and no one else did... and own that. OWN it.
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Default Jun 08, 2019 at 11:34 AM
  #8
So I am again torn.. she frustrated me a lot this week. She showed up for training and I wanted coverage and now, that is her job, but no one would get her for coverage and thus I had a very hard time taking a day off. Probably because she was training.

But later, I was told that she will now be working for the abusive boss I had!! I wouldn't wish that on anyone but she is always trying to compare her situation to mine and make it like she had it worse, now, she will get to know what it was like with that exact person.

HA! Talk about Karma.
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