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Default Jun 17, 2019 at 04:52 PM
  #1
Every single job I've ever had, I've been unpopular and I don't know why.I've never been able to hold a job down because the bullying has been off the charts and specifically directed at me, and my experiences have been intolerable. I've been singled out, treated badly and my managers and coworkers have made deliberate efforts and went out of their ways to treat me like a lower class citizen and make me feel unwelcome. I get treated like a servant, they don't train me on everything, scold at/yell at/embarrass/insult me in front of everyone, make fun of me, gossip about me, they don't even speak to me cordially and it gets to a point where I become so anxious and depressed I develop stomach problems, insomnia and unhappiness about life because I know I'm going to go back to that hellhole. Management refuses to work with/accommodate my availability, the whole team displays passive-aggressive/microaggressive behaviors to make things harder for me (putting trash in the dish bin so I have to dig it out even though the trash can is right there, etc.) and scold me when I'm pulling their weight, multitasking, taking care of guests and getting the dirty work done that they don't want to do. I don't gossip about my coworkers, I don't talk about personal information, I try to greet my coworkers and smile but they snub me, I'm not doing anything wrong, I never call in, I'm always perfectly on time and I just can't seem to figure out why nobody likes me. They are especially mean to me and it seems like it starts from my first day, they already have it in their minds that they don't like me and act on it. I'm in the most toxic workplace I've ever been right now and my mom won't let me quit but I find myself hoping they yell at me for something that's not my fault and lose their temper to firing me so I won't have to go back because this is just ridiculous. I'm never treated with respect, decency or equality and it's a cosmic mystery I can't crack. I can't figure it out. At every single job I have, I'm the black sheep everyone gangs up on and treats like dirt even though I'm nothing but nice to me and the CUSTOMERS love me so that speaks volumes about the staff.

Has anyone else had this experience?
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Default Jun 17, 2019 at 05:18 PM
  #2
hey,
how many jobs are we talking about?

just off the top of my head, I find it hard that every job you get hired at is a toxic workplace...that is a rare set of odds. perhaps you are applying for jobs that do not suit your personality.

you know...getting treated with respect sometimes means you need to treat others with respect. that means going into the job with more then displeasure from day one. just saying greetings is not enough. if you decide you hate the workplace from day one then your attitude will shine thru. people are not stupid.
something else..i understand needing accommodations..but just how are they not meeting your needs? you said they gave you earbuds at one point.

if you present yourself as hating the place, being miserable and close to cracking from working in a hellhole...and perhaps not pulling your weight then other employees will not help you out. most times employees will at least help newbies..but if you have come off as complaining and miserable since day one, your chances of co employee support are slim. do YOU help THEM?

is this your first job? is it a corporate chain or a mom & pop shop?

how do they treat you like a servant? do they tell you to do things? perhaps since you portray yourself as so miserable and barely able to function they feel that simple directions are the only way to get their point across. putting trash in the dish bin happens at restaurants...so does dishes in trash. especially during busy periods. no one is perfect.

you won't get respect until you earn it. sorry to say it seems your attitude won't get you respect. praying that you might make a big enough error so you get fired and not have to work there just doesn't cut it. you want to be a valued employee? just thinking those thoughts won't ever get you there. hate to say it but it's a job. it pays the bills. it isn't supposed to be a fun, happy respectful place where everyone plays nicely. it's great if it works out that way, but it is supposed to be a place that sells their product successfully. period. if the staff plays nicely. bonus points. you can't MAKE anyone like you or respect you. you earn that. FROM DAY ONE.

I understand the disability thing. got one myself. it's hard to get accommodations at times. some times it's a struggle. but I am so much more them my disability. I have worked some pretty crummy places throughout my life. that said..each one taught me a lesson. you probably aren't going to make this place your career but it does pay bills, give you some $$$. so for now, while looking for another job, keep working. be the grown up.
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Default Jun 17, 2019 at 05:36 PM
  #3
Hi, Stydia,

I am sorry to hear you are being bullied at work. By any chance, could you talk to a therapist to help you navigate this?

Were you bullied in school too or is this only as an adult?

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Default Jun 17, 2019 at 05:52 PM
  #4
I'm nothing but kind to people, I'm a nice person, I don't have a bratty or stuck-up bone in my body. I'm willing to divide tasks to help my co-workers get things done faster, collaborate, etc. I generally like people and see no reason to treat anyone badly for my entertainment or whatever. That fast food pizza job only lasted a week, I'm waitressing in a restaurant now. The thing is, I know these jobs don't suit my personality but I've been struggling to get my foot in the door, I've been taking anything I can get. My parents pushed me into the work force right after high school and I didn't really get the chance to figure out who I was or what I liked or what I wanted to do with my education. They chose my major (English), wouldn't talk to me about other options so I feel like this set me back and limited my options. It's hard to get a job period, but food service and retail seem like my only options without special experience/degrees. This is my 9th job and the only two that were perfect and I didn't have any problems were seasonal only and the terms ended, sadly. I did like those jobs as a chocolatier and sales associate in a candy shop. I work in a chain restaurant now.

The thing is with the trash thing (that's not the only issue), the other women bussing the tables will separate the trash themselves if they're doing it but pile it up when I'm doing it so I have to get all in the trash. Also, it's expected that the trash and dishes are separated to be courteous to the dishwashers.

I'm only miserable when people treat me like the archetypal servant in period-era movies who isn't spoken to and is generally shunned socially unless being given orders and I make an effort to connect with my coworkers by asking about their day, making small talk, etc. Like I said, I'm always on time, I make myself available to cover shifts during emergencies but people are extra rude to me. During my first week, I asked when payday was and the boss was very sarcastic, asked me what day today was and made me "guess" and it was like pulling teeth to get him to just tell me when that's all he had to do. It's never simple with these people and they always take that extra step to be hostile. I can understand why you don't believe me because you're not here to witness it with your own eyes, but if I knew why this was happening to me, I wouldn't be posting it.

Also, I'm good at masking my emotions. I don't talk back, I don't complain and I perform the necessary tasks. I don't fight/argue, I don't cry or whine or make displays so I don't think it has to do with my "portrayal" as I'm venting online --- which I think is fair. At the end of the day, I'm only human and need some expressive outlet. It's not like I walk around telling the staff I'm unhappy with the situation. I wouldn't be unhappy if they didn't give me a reason. It's not that I'm simply bored with the job description, because I understand taking what I can get for the time being. I never expected waitressing to be "fun".

There have been jobs I've genuinely enjoyed but I've been outcast for mysterious reasons, which wouldn't align with attitude as the root of the problem (the candy shop even despite an uncomfortable uniform, etc). I liked what I did and everything about that place but I could tell there was something wrong with the culture and others seemed averse to me. Something is going on and it's not fair and I'm just trying to figure out why I don't fit in. I don't consider myself a senseless or childish person at all, I just want better for myself and I keep hoping a change of environment/change might make a difference and it's not. Whether I like the job or not, my team members expressively dislike me and I'm bewildered.
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Default Jun 17, 2019 at 11:21 PM
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What do you think the common denominator is in these jobs? How old are you? Why not consider going to school? You are an adult and I cant see how your parents could forbid you from going to school.

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Default Jun 18, 2019 at 01:15 AM
  #6
@HappyCrafter I have been bullied almost all my life. I was the "weird" kid, I was "ugly, fat, crazy", every name in the book. When I lost weight and started wearing makeup, it was unspoken mysterious secret reasons none of my peers would let me in on but I was just an outcast, never invited to things, people played cruel social jokes on me and paid each other money to flirt with/confuse me, "you-can't-sit-with-us"'d so to speak. I cannot afford to pay for therapy, but my school has free psychological resources so I see a therapist there but he's only available in the fall semester so I have to wait a few more months.
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Default Jun 18, 2019 at 01:20 AM
  #7
@sarahsweets Well, they're all in food service/retail. Maybe I'm not cut out for that field? Honestly I don't think I am. But I am going to school, majoring in English. My mom chose my major though and didn't allow me to explore the classes and fields I really wanted to: art, fashion, film, etc. so I feel like it's pointless. I have no idea what I'm going to do with an English Associate's but I didn't have a choice, my mom made me take these classes just because I have dyscalculia and can barely pass basic math. You still have to take math for English, though, so... I feel like I have zero control or agency over my life and it's a hard thing to go through at 24.
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Default Jun 18, 2019 at 02:59 AM
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perhaps it is time to take a step up and take hold of your life. go back to school for classes you want..look for positions you want...
honestly an English assoc degree will serve you well...being well versed, literate, able to construct, order your thoughts & express them are skills that will never fail you. regardless of what field you eventually end up in you will use skill you mastered with that degree.

every major has a basic set of courses as it's foundation. some include more liberal arts, others not so much. if you have no idea what you want then going with an English major for an assoc. degree is a good base. I assume you are paying towards college? then suggest that if time is no rush for graduation exchange on of the required courses for another one you would like to explore. think about what you want to do after you complete the AA. will you finish the degree ...now most people move ahead to the advanced degree...

do people bully you in class? if not then what is the difference between how you act at school & at work? people are people they don't usually act differently when they go to work. most people are fairly decent ...I just find it odd that you have been bullied everywhere you have worked...and wonder what school is like. maybe some of the issues are because "I feel like I have zero control or agency over my life and it's a hard thing to go through at 24. "
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Default Jun 18, 2019 at 07:53 AM
  #9
Actually... school is fine for me, I don't get bullied. I find it easy to talk to and work with my classmates and nobody gives me a hard time in a community college classroom setting. I feel socially confident at school and find that I'm quite well liked. I have a lot of friends now as opposed to high school, so any inferiority complex doesn't really affect me in that area @resurgam.

Just because I feel like I don't have much control doesn't mean I deliberately paint a target on myself in all social settings or invite negative behaviors. Rest assured, this is not something I walk around telling people like some kind of human diary in real life --- just venting on a message board. I don't think most people have psychic power to look into my mind and know that.
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Default Jun 18, 2019 at 08:27 AM
  #10
Stydia,

I am glad to hear that you do well in a college classroom setting and have a lot of friends!! That's Awesome!

What did you want to major in in college?

Ok, one of the most important parts of recovery is that you have to learn new habits and ways of managing yourself. When I first started to try to get better, I read up on topics I struggled with and worked on finding more efficient ways to handle problems.

You have a therapist, that's important. What is he like?

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Default Jun 18, 2019 at 08:37 AM
  #11
Stydia,

I'm sorry you are getting bullied, and that you have to do jobs that don't fit you very well. Waitressing and public service jobs, especially in the food service industry, can be a real meat grinder. People, even fellow staff, really do treat you like the bottom of their shoe, just because their lives suck and they want to spread the misery. If you do a great job, that can sometimes make it worse. Unhappy people don't like to see someone who is good at their job and well loved by customers. It doesn't surprise me one bit that people mistreat others. And being in the service industry means you cannot always defend yourself, even politely, because you are expected to maintain a professional attitude no matter what. I wish I had some magic solution for you. I can see how you would be bullied so consistently if you are the type that keeps it all buried. It's possible that they don't realize the effect they are having on you; of course, it's also possible they don't care, unfortunately. I think talking to a counselor is a good idea - maybe they can help you figure out ways to stand up for yourself that won't get you fired.

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Default Jun 18, 2019 at 09:01 AM
  #12
so why is work different? that was my point....what is the difference is the two groups ? just curious. glad to hear school goes well.

I was quite sure you didn't walk around spilling your guts...I realize it's a message board.
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Default Jun 18, 2019 at 11:19 AM
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@HappyCrafter I never quite narrowed down what I wanted to major in because my mother never gave me a choice or let me explore my options, but I want a creative career that has something to do with acting, film, fashion, art, something like that. THERE is my passion. My mom always said they were a "dime a dozen" and that kind of career "wouldn't get me anywhere", barring me from pursuing that. I had leading roles in all my high school's theatre productions. I'm also thinking about teaching either middle or high school age students, maybe English or general life science. Also, that way I wouldn't have to be stuck somewhere late at night (that triggers major anxiety), weekends off to travel or whatever and I wouldn't have to wear a uniform. I require a career that allows me at least that kind of freedom. Doesn't sound like a bad idea to me if I can't get into the entertainment industry. I've had some amazing teachers and there needs to be more people like them. Maybe I can teach other young people what I've learned and experienced. I had a life science teacher who told me that "it's okay to be different", "to have a friend, you must be a friend" and she would make up fun raps to memorize principles (like the organelles, stages of cell division, etc). and had a great way of connecting. That would be my teaching style.

My therapist is very compassionate and understanding. I feel like he "gets" me better than my own family and sees the struggles my family members can't or choose not to. (They're nice people, but they don't speak the language of mental/emotional wellness and their empathy traits are a little deficient). He is kind, he doesn't mollycoddle or enable but when I talk to him, I feel like a normal person and that I don't have to apologize or minimize my feelings about what I go through or fear being "overly dramatic" or "immature". He tells me I'm a very intelligent and poised young woman. He has also been bullied in the workplace by people who simply decided they don't like him, he's been threatened to be fired, etc. and he's helped me recover from PTSD after being sexually abused as a teen. He gave me his personal phone number in case I needed it and there have been times I've spiralled in the winter (I have seasonal affective disorder) and even now where my job has made me so depressed I've been having.... out of character thoughts, but alas, I lost the card with the number on it out of my back pocket one day so I'll have to wait until school starts late August. I trust and like him a lot.
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Default Jun 18, 2019 at 11:35 AM
  #14
I am glad to hear there are some positives in your life. I don't suppose the number to your therapist would be in your call logs on your phone? Have you tried googling his name to see if he is in an online phone directory?

Have you thought about setting up a blog? I blog and I love it. I am working to get it so it will generate income for me and it's hard work, but I am sure it will pay off for me.

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Default Jun 18, 2019 at 11:39 AM
  #15
Quote:
Originally Posted by resurgam View Post
so why is work different? that was my point....what is the difference is the two groups ? just curious. glad to hear school goes well.

I was quite sure you didn't walk around spilling your guts...I realize it's a message board.
I wish I knew. I've tried self reflecting and asking myself if there's something I do wrong, but I don't act strangely. I've tried saying hello to them at the start of shifts, asking them how they're doing, attempt small talk and it seems they freeze me out. They don't respond to that even though it's a very clique-y culture there and everyone seems to be buddy-buddy. They talk to me like I'm a dog, a slave or an undesirable person and it leaves me confused, stressed, depressed and generally not enjoying my life or looking forward to it because they make my job and tasks so difficult with direct harassment. Schools have cliques there too, but there's a stark difference between the atmosphere between school and work. In group projects and class discussions, I'm respected. At work, I am not.
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