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beeberry
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Default Oct 26, 2019 at 02:11 PM
  #1
oh my gosh, I work at this tiny restauraunt where I’m constantly surrounded by people—customers, coworkers. the space is so small everyone can see each other all the time, hear each other all the time. it’s completely my nightmare workplace, no space or privacy unless you go to the bathroom or hang out in the basement. And I just get in these places by the middle of the shift where Im barely able to function socially, at a job where you’re supposed to be so high energy all the time to feel truly successful. my social interactions become so forced at that point, i feel like I lose the ability to treat customers like normal people and i can’t even have conversations w my coworkers anymore. my head gets stuck in this negative place where i can‘t stop feeling like I’m failing socially, being super self-conscious of how im behaving and what im saying, feeling like i’m being so weird and awkward, and just wanting to go home so bad. I go so far with myself in this negative place im convinced nobody around me likes me, wants me here, they all think im ****** at my job, they all know im being so weird and awkward too, theyre all thinkin it, etc. and then im like ****, if they think that, theyre probably right and i just need to go home and never interact with anyone again because everyoned be better off not having to deal with me. etc etc
i know these are extreme thoughts but when i finally go to bed and wake up in the morning i still believe them.
so does anybody else have this kind of experience? feeling energy being drained from you because of your work environment and unable to cope?
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Default Oct 27, 2019 at 09:53 AM
  #2
I just had to leave the workforce and now
live mostly on SSDI and little freelance copy editing because my job was too draining. I worked four days a week, and the other three I would lie on the couch doing nothing. staring into space. I would almost cry on Sunday nights because I had to go back the next morning.

I had coworkers whom I overheard talking behind my back. I have tried over the years to adopt this attitude: "they don't have to like you, and you don't have to care. Other people think about us less than we sometimes imagine. It is hard not to take negative interactions and awkward conversations and blow them up into big events. The other person may not even remember them the next day.

I think you are being way too hard on yourself. It sounds as if you are, like me. an introvert. There's nothing wrong with that. The problem is not you; it is the situation. Your current job does not give you the space and privacy you need. You deserve to have your psychological needs--and everyone's are different--met. I know changing jobs might not be possible right now, but I hope you will plan to do so when you can.

I am really sorry that you're feeling this way. I know how it is to come home from work every day and wish you never had to go back. It's a nightmare.
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Default Oct 27, 2019 at 12:43 PM
  #3
Big hugs. I do!
My job isn't high-powered or anything, and I do have to deal with a lot of different people every day.

Bad days are hell (I'm CPTSD), and I go home and want to end it all.

Feeling weird, yes. And not being able to get out of that feeling, no matter what I do.

It's horrible, shutting down like that. I'm very sorry you're in the middle of that hell.

I was suffering badly with work issues when I joined this forum. This place, and some dear friends I made here, helped enormously. They raise your self-esteem, without you noticing it. And you can see through their struggles that mental health issues are nothing to be ashamed of.

Keep talking to people who are going through the same nightmare.

Eventually (I know it sounds impossible), you start to say to yourself the same things they are saying to you.

That you can't help it!

It's not your fault.

Everybody deserves to be treated with respect.

You're a human being. You sound like a nice, sensitive person. You don't deserve to suffer
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Default Oct 27, 2019 at 02:49 PM
  #4
@beeberry you just described me if I were to become a waitress again. I always felt so awkward and overwhelmed. I guess it came with the territory of having social anxiety and being an introvert. Have you thought about other work?
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Heart Oct 27, 2019 at 03:19 PM
  #5
I, too, worked as a server...I used to tell customers upfront I didn't have time to talk. I also felt such pressure to get the order right, of a demanding customer, to the point of having nightmares of not being able to satisfy my customers. I eventually got out of the serving business, and into the child care field...it's much more deeply rewarding! I still feel drained at the end of a long day, but it's a 'deeply contented..' drained. I don't know if this is the answer for you. What is your dream job? What would fulfill you?

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