Really frustrated with my company's leadership and morals

This is how business operates nowadays. Honesty is never the model

I've never run across this before though. Being asked to LIE.

While you don't have to say you've been on the account longer than you have, you can take ownership and responsibility for the team that you now lead, as the leader of the account. Part of leadership is taking ownership and responsibility, not just for what will happen, but for what has happened and needs to happen now. You can frame it with the words (to the client) "In the past this team tried XYZ on your account, but now, with my expertise and leadership, we will do ABC, which will be a better strategy for you and have better ROI because...(and then blow them away with your knowledge of why it works).

Sometimes those in charge make requests and don't really understand the words they are using or what all that means intrinsically. So if the CEO's son said, can you just say you were in charge the whole time, he may not be so much thinking he's asking you to lie, but wanting to preserve the image that the company is providing a continuity of service. So you can come back with, I'm uncomfortable saying that because it's not true and I can't explain all the decisions that were made, but I can show that there is effective leadership to this account and we can not dwell on the fact that I'm newly leading the team. You can also pose it that you've been added to the team to take advantage of your skills and expertise as a resource and it's a benefit to the client.

Try to think of it from your boss's perspective that they just don't want the company to look bad, so how can you help them make the company look good, without also misrepresenting what is happening? Turnover is somewhat normal. There are so many ways to present your new leadership of the account as a positive, like, "we've decided to assign your account to Have Hope because we want to give you the benefit of her vast expertise and skill in this area. While she's new to your account, she's not new to us and knows your history with us and has some great ideas to help you grow."

I know the request made of you felt icky. And it often happens to me where I'm asked to do something I don't like. And then I just try to ask myself, what is this person's real concern? And what's the best way to address it? And so then I can respond to their request with, "Let me offer a different solution. Why don't we try X instead. I've done this before and it works very well and gives it a very positive spin without muddying the waters." I mean, in this case, there's a way to make the client feel like they are getting a bonus service by adding you to the team, and that's what I would do. Make it seem like they are getting an add-on versus a restructure.

I'm not negating that the request to suggest you had been leading the whole time was asking you to tell the client something that isn't true. But I wonder if this isn't a situation of your CEO's son just wanting to preserve an image and not realizing his solution isn't the best. If you can present a better solution, that is ethical, he would probably respond positively. And you come off as a leader even more so...

Thanks @seesaw! This is most helpful!!!! And I fully agree with these thoughts... great suggestions! I’m talking to the CEO’s son today about this so I will try this approach. Thanks again!!

I agree with seesaw and if you are taking on a leadership role then you don't want to put this CEO's son on the defensive. Perhaps when it comes to situations like this it's better to look at these requests as questions instead. For example, instead of hearing it as "just say you have been handling this account all along", you can think of it as "can we just say you have been handling it all along? ". This can give you a chance to enlighten this CEO's son with a better approach that can become more productive, especially if the client isn't all that happy with how the account has been handled. You could say to this client that bought out the company "Hi I am Have Hope and I see you are the new owner, I have just taken over your account and am looking forward to us both working together in fresh and positive light".

Thanks, @Open Eyes! That's another great suggestion too. I like that approach.

I decided NOT to pursue leadership though in my current company. They are far too toxic to my mental health and I don't wish to stay. But you're right in that regardless, I should approach the CEO's son in a way that doesn't put him on the defensive.

I am honestly at my wits end with these people though.

I am sorry you feel overwhelmed right now Hope. At this point it's best to step back and focus on that you don't own the company and don't see yourself being able to work with others to make much needed improvements, you are working for a paycheck and to add whatever successes you can to your resume and to try to stay on a positive note so if you do leave you can get a good reference.

Incidently, is the bosses son something new, never saw you mention him before.

Thanks, Open Eyes. Yes, it's all becoming overwhelming. Though the way you word it makes it seem like I cannot work well with others. The company is very toxic and is poorly run. No, the CEO's son is no one new.He used to intern there then came on full time within the last year.

I think you're reading too much into the response given to you. That's not what Open Eyes said.

My monthly bills do not allow for me to apply my own morals to business situations, so I follow instructions from my superiors. As long as it's not illegal I will follow instructions or be prepared for the consequences.

If there is a way for you to detach a bit and not apply the entire company's business procedures to your daily life, you will fare much better. I'm afraid by describing your workplace as "toxic" you are going to be finding that 99.9% of the workplace will be "toxic" for you.

None of what you are being asked to do is personal. It's just business.

Thanks @Molinit. Yes I may have misunderstood the post.

I don’t really agree with your perspective but thanks.

When I say it’s toxic, it’s toxic. My mental health is impacted severely by it. That means it’s toxic.

And I will NOT lie to my client. I dont give two F’s if I get fired for having morals. And lying puts me into a very bad position.

Sorry, that is not my intent at all. What I meant was evaluating how others may not work well with others no matter who they work with. That tends to be reflected when a company has a high turnover rate as you mentioned this company has. I personally don't care to work with someone who has no problem with lying. I have always found that anytime I did that individual not only had no problem lying to me but also about me and would throw me under the bus in a flash if they needed to lie to save their own miserable butt. This is something I have learned in a huge way as you know.

I think there's something to what Molinit said about toxicity. Not saying that it's not toxic, but what I'm going to say is that every and any workplace can be/is toxic. I think what helps people survive workplaces good and bad, toxic or not is developing the skills you have been working on. You are a highly sensitive person so even these things that are somewhat normal in dealing with businesses upset you. That's not wrong or bad. You are just more sensitive to a feeling of right and wrong. And business, as Molinit was saying is less about morals, more about bottom line. And based on what I've read from you, you're a more sensitive person with a sense of duty and caring for the world. (Corporate America may not be the right place - maybe a nonprofit position? Just an idea.)

So I think keep working on these skills of not reacting and provide the leadership to success (while you're still there) to these people. Try not to see them as bad, but rather as people who don't know any better, and you can teach them how to be a company of integrity (while you're there), and that will definitely increase profits.

There's a great story of how the founder of Reebok won ALL the national sports league licensing accounts because MLB offered him the National league and said Nike will get the American league. The CEO said no, the only way to fix revenues is for ONE company to do both, so give it to Nike, the whole thing, they'll do great. He actually turned down the whole National league to give BOTH to Nike. MLB came back to him and said, okay, we'll give you both, because of his integrity. And then what followed was the Major League Basketball and the NHL, and NFL. For a long time Reebok owned everything, simply because of their integrity to turn down a deal so the CLIENT would be better off. You are doing the same thing - telling the truth so the client will be better off - and integrity is never wrong.

I am reading Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay Gibson. Im on chapter 8, where she talks about how to handle encounters, which your stmt about "its toxic to me so its toxic" brought to mind.

If you determine that the other person is showing emotional immaturity as described in chapters 2 and 3, there are three ways to relate to the person without getting yourself upset:

Expressing and then letting go
Focusing on the outcome, not the relationship
Managing, not engaging

Start reading this book for free: http://a.co/7TvqWmD

In other words, put a boundary between you and the situation. This is the best book ive ever read, altho i know i say that a lot. I read before bed and my dreams are more resolution-oriented, rather than repetition-compulsion.

Thanks everyone! I appreciate the tips and supportive replies. @unaluna, thanks for the article!

I think I need to simply adjust my expectations. I’m staying in corporate America for the salary, and available resources.

I do have a very strong sense of right and wrong, and when things are done wrong in my mind, I react strongly. Like our leadership sucks, we don’t do things right in my dept and we lose clients and employees as a result. Open communication is very poor throughout the company, and now I’m being asked to lie to my client, which jeopardizes my professional integrity and my work with my client.

I just need to adjust my perspective. This is how many corporations function. It’s dysfunctional.

All I know is I’m depressed and need out. I’m sure some companies are run far better than mine is. This is uniquely and exceptionally dysfunctional in my experience.

You certainly can do whatever you wish. Just be prepared for consequences. If you can afford to lose your job, great. I cannot, so I'm not in the same position you are. My clients are in my life for 8 hours per day, I owe them the work I do for a living, but my employer signs my paycheck and he who gives me money makes the rules.

Everything is a trade-off. If you want the corporate salary/benefits, then you will have to compromise your morals sometimes.

That's a good link you posted unaluna. I enjoyed reading what was offered in that link. I think you should get that book Hope, not just to understand yourself but to identify things you experience in others that reflect their unmet needs as well. And while you may not be able to fix them, you can develop responses to deal with them better rather than emotionally reacting or absorbing where you get to feeling overwhelmed.

That’s your fear not mine. I won’t get fired. And I’m not compromising my morals, for the final time. I’m getting very frustrated by having to repeat myself in my own thread. Please just provide support. Thank you! It’s all I ask.

You just aren't receiving the answers you like. Do what you want, it's your life. Nobody is requiring you to respond, either. It's a conversation about a topic, that's all it is.

Please be mindful of the OP's desires of what they want out of a thread (in this case my desires). Doc John himself has clearly stated that members need to respect the OP's requests for the kind of support they're looking for in their own threads.

This is not an opinions forum. It's a mental health forum foremost. And this is a thread that I started regarding the massively poor leadership that is rampant in my company, in order to vent on here and to receive support around the fact that my mental health is suffering badly as a result of a really dysfunctional work environment.

I was venting on here and expressing my strong opinion that I will not compromise my morals. I was venting and looking for validation and support. That is it. That is what I seek out of this thread. Thank you. I am not looking for a discussion about whether I will get fired or not for sticking to my morals.

@seesaw, you bring up a good point. I've always been sensitive.... I feel things very deeply in all ways, good, bad and ugly. I suppose it makes for a rich life emotionally -- I can experience such incredible joy because I have also experienced deep levels of pain. But I am pretty sensitive. And like I wrote above, I have a very strong sense of right and wrong.

I think your point about continuing my personal work is an important and good one. I won't leave corporate America, but I can adjust myself in certain ways so that I can at least survive and be happier. Thank you.