Really frustrated with my company's leadership and morals

Thanks. I am thinking it through more before I bring this to HR/business management.

I want to provide solutions, not complaints.

I told HR that I’m not comfortable meeting with my manager today, the one who blew up at me. I’m speaking with my boss about the incident that occurred with him, at HR’s suggestion.

I noticed that companies or govt don't want our opinions on morals. They want to earn a profit. I won't bother to give opinions to companies survey. It is all crap

Well, I got contacted today for an Associate Director role in my field. I'm thrilled! Who knows, but maybe it will lead to a job and I can finally leave this awful company.

Well, that would be a blessing. Will say some prayers and keep my fingers crossed for you Hope.

Thanks, @Open Eyes! I looked more closely at the job description and I may not qualify. GRRRRR.

I did speak with my boss about Friday's incident, and he is behind me. He will talk to my manager today, and then the three of us will sit down to hash it out and come to a resolution. I am glad I told HR/Business Mgmt that I wasn't comfortable working with him yesterday. I feel slightly better.

I’ve also been thinking about HR’s response to my plight yesterday. I noticed that she kept trying to find ways to blame ME for my colleague’s/manager’s angry outburst at me. I had to stand up for myself, even with her. Then I couldn’t believe what I heard her say. She said maybe if you had approached the initial conversation differently. I said “so I have to tip toe around this person so as not to set off his explosiveness?” I couldn’t believe she suggested that it was my fault that he blew up at me! WTF??????? That’s like saying to an abuse victim, “well if you hadn’t worn that short skirt out in public, your husband wouldn’t have treated you like crap” or if you hadn’t done this or that, he wouldn’t have had to yell at you! It’s victim blaming! That’s what HR was doing yesterday to me.

I cannot believe how incredibly TOXIC this place is!!!!!

Yes I feel slightly better simply because my boss backed me up, but what the hell. I don’t belong there at all. I expect professionalism. Not this kind of crap.

It sounds like given that you had some time to vent out your anger before acting on your anger helped. If you had brought the level of anger you were feeling into a discussion or even letter first it may have ended up working against you.

We can feel a lot of anger when we feel violated in some way. Our anger can work against us though and bring us even more grief when that's the last thing we need. It's important to pay attention to how your own anger can flare up, that if you act on it you can make things worse too. If you learn to distance when you get this way and hold off on reacting until you work past this anger, which you did do, it will prove very beneficial to you. Anger fills a person with adrenaline, this always pumps someone up to "fight" and want to take action. However, just because we feel this surge, it doesn't mean actually taking action is a wise choice.

Learning to identify how anger can evolve in yourself is important so that you can capture it before you throw it out there in ways you can regret. Anger can come in a wave, it comes over a person, gets very strong too, yet it also can wear off too when you distance yourself to allow yourself to blow off this so called steam of anger. It's amazing how such a strong negative emotion can stop actual reasoning to happen. Truth is, a person doesn't really think clearly and tactfully when overwhelmed with anger. A rage never really works in the raging person's favor. Elitciting fear in others really doesn't work well in the long run either. No one likes to feel fear and typically, the reaction is to remove whatever creates that threat and fear. Typically, things do not work out well when putting others on the defensive. And acting on anger can put one in that kind of dynamic and that tends to turn out badly.

I did hold off. That’s the thing. HR responded very inappropriately and I’m appalled. I hate my freaking company so much right now. I want to walk out the door and give them all the finger. I’ve never worked in a more poorly run and unprofessional company!

When someone says something like this to me, in that moment I may not see what that person is saying to me. However, I do review the situation I experienced with what was said to me in mind and there have been times I can see what that individual meant.

I know for myself, there have been times where I have needed others to be a certain way for me, it's where I have been at, maybe my state of mind. It could have been others walked on eggshells around me because of how I was struggling at the time. Sometimes, a person can be in a place mentally where they may be struggling and expecting some surprise attack and that person doesn't realize how others can begin to actually interact on a causious level due to sensitivity.

Ask yourself this "do I insist on someone else being XYZ for me to the point where if I don't get that I get angry or even insulted?"

Ok, how about letting what she said settle a bit. What you stated here is how what she said "felt" to you right? Well, feelings are not always facts. This is something I myself have had to work very hard on. Sometimes Hope, a person is merely asking you a question, they are not actually blaming you.

You recently had an experience where you happened to see something and imediately thought the worst and reacted. You learned a huge lesson in that experience remember? Paying attention to how you can have a sudden reaction to certain things is important. You don't always have to have an immediate reaction to things you experience. It's best to work on holding back when you feel compelled to react. Actually, writing this all out as you have here in your thread is a way of stepping back and working out how you feel first, before you choose to react.

Yes, you did hold off and worked very hard on that here in your thread Hope. You finally calmed down and handled it much better IMHO. Good for you, know that was not easy. It's best NOT to handle something out of emotion, especially anger.

What you have written about here? Your reaction is "flight". Do you see it? Maybe the HR is actually trying to help you Hope and you are being stubborn. Maybe she isn't insisting you walk on eggshells, perhaps she is asking you to be more flexible.

HR is actually NOT helping me. I grew up burying my anger and it resulted in an eating disorder. Yes I’m trying to learn how to better manage angry emotions. Sometimes lashing out at someone is deserved if they provoke you enough.

You can't bury anger, you have learn where it comes from and work through it. Anger is a very difficult emotion to work through.

Most people have difficulty with anger.

On another note, my manager and I met with our boss today to discuss the incident that occurred Friday. It was a very positive and productive meeting! He apologized. It turns out it wasn't anything with me, but his own work frustrations that got in the way. I said that I am always open to a conversation, however, if I do anything that ever offends anyone or pisses anyone off. I think it was good to say that. They both seemed pleased with the outcome of this conversation, so I feel much better about that issue now at least.

Good, can you now see that had you gone ahead with that letter you wanted to present it may have put you in a place that isn't as good as what you experienced today? Clearly this manager regrets his temper tantrum so this time HE had to learn a lesson about controlling HIS anger. You got the appology without putting everyone on the defensive to achieve that.

I think men have a tendency to vent anger like that when they should not do so, perhaps they feel that's the only emotion they can let out too.

Things ended up being much more productive this way.

I was going to hold off on the other more important conversation I want to have with HR anyways. Now is not the time. Plus, I want out of this company ASAP and I don't even really care about rising to another position there. I want to say it to clear the record, for my own self-respect and dignity.

And thanks.... yes, things worked out quite nicely today! I feel I am in a good spot at least on the surface with my boss and manager. I know they are both still trying to throw me under the bus with the CEO, but eventually I will stand up for myself over that issue, when the timing is right. For now, I am submitting all my achievements to HR on a monthly basis so she has it all documented, upon her request to me a few months back.

WOW. Our manager today got angry with a client, slammed the phone down, slammed his computer closed then stormed out of the office, slamming the office door HARD. If he doesn't get fired for that, I will be SHOCKED. Both my boss AND HIS BOSS witnessed this.

@Have Hope
Just came across this article and thought of you Hope. Good article to copy and save for yourself in those times of wondering "am I wrong for standing up for myself?".

5 Of The Pettiest Office Power Plays Co-Workers Can Pull

Thank you so much for thinking of me!!!