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Foo Fighter
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Default Jan 09, 2020 at 12:45 AM
  #1
I'm sorry for all the crazy stuff but it's been an odd month. A former employer of mine who made my life hell is trying to reach out to me and I really don't feel comfortable with her doing so. I might be being the asshole here but to her I was too slow and too stupid. It did a number on my self esteem and I developed depression, drank and self destructive behavior. I had anxiety for the longest time wondering if I would run into her in public and she would tell everyone how stupid I was. That last one was irrational but I was afraid until I moved from my hometown that I would run into her. Now she is kind of involved with my mother's work and I sort of ran into her.....Now I'm too afraid to visit my mom at work ( is she going to be there? What if she hears something? Or tells them something?) I just talked about my current job. It was all I could do. I'm sorry for sounding dramatic but it doesn't feel safe going to visit anymore. I found out this morning she sent a friend request to me on Facebook and I declined it. I felt very uncomfortable that she even sent one. I'm not trying to sound dramatic but I just don't want to deal with her. I get it may be an offer to apologize but I'm not accepting it. What she did was inexcusable and I don't want to hear "Sorry I threw you under the bus, it was out of my hands" or some other copout like that. I just don't want her back in again. Sorry for the rant.
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Default Jan 10, 2020 at 04:16 PM
  #2
I have a former boss who also really did a number on me and I was angry for a long time. But it just takes too much energy to stay mad forever. I'd rather feel good.

I have learned that, for me anyway, my expectation or want or desire for other people to treat me with respect and dignity is actually not a reasonable desire. The reason is that so many people out there are jerks. Your former employer is not and was not your problem. In my way of thinking, your problem is your desire that what happened should not have happened. But it di. It happened. And your employer was just being exactly who she is. She is a jerk. That is factual information. Why should she behave differently than her nature? That's like asking a rattlesnake you accidentally step on not to strike. It is not a reasonable expectation. Or a rose not to bloom in June?

So anyhow, what I do in these situations is just remind myself whenever I start shoulding that for me, that is the road to nowhere. Accepting people for who they really are is the path to peace. Just my take. Once I remember this, I always feel much better. Not everyone on this planet is a good person. I accept that.

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