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crisscross712
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Default Feb 01, 2020 at 11:54 PM
  #1
I work on a team and one of my coworkers, while he isn't my boss, is the lead on the team and he contininly gives unclear/contradictory direction. He also focuses on small stuff in lieu of more important big picture stuff. He also has this habit of simultaneously being condescending but also expecting you to know stuff you would have no way of knowing. The guy is a good dude but I always can never think of interrupting those angry thoughts until after I'm already angry.
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Default Feb 02, 2020 at 03:42 AM
  #2
I know what you mean. Interesting how you still think he's a good guy. I get really annoyed at bossy people. One guy I barely knew seemed to think no one else ever looked stuff up online or knew the things he knew. He tried to micromanage my life and I had to freeze him out eventually.

After such encounters I get mad at the condescension and wish I had thought to stick up for myself when it happened. Maybe your co-worker just needs to be told how his behavior affects you. Not saying anything lets the resentment build up and you spend your life feeling like a doormat. If he isn't the defensive narcissistic type, you might find a way to give some feedback to your co-worker. Maybe ask him to have a drink or coffee together so it feels like a friendly encounter? In such cases, it's usually best to do it 1 on 1 casually so he doesn't feel like your are ganging up on him or talking behind his back.
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Default Feb 02, 2020 at 08:18 AM
  #3
Do talk with him, give some specific examples and express your interest in having a good, productive team. He may not be all that comfortable in his role, I find that true of many who tend to micromanage. @MrsA has good advice.

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Default Feb 02, 2020 at 01:28 PM
  #4
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Originally Posted by MrsA View Post
I know what you mean. Interesting how you still think he's a good guy. I get really annoyed at bossy people. One guy I barely knew seemed to think no one else ever looked stuff up online or knew the things he knew. He tried to micromanage my life and I had to freeze him out eventually.

After such encounters I get mad at the condescension and wish I had thought to stick up for myself when it happened. Maybe your co-worker just needs to be told how his behavior affects you. Not saying anything lets the resentment build up and you spend your life feeling like a doormat. If he isn't the defensive narcissistic type, you might find a way to give some feedback to your co-worker. Maybe ask him to have a drink or coffee together so it feels like a friendly encounter? In such cases, it's usually best to do it 1 on 1 casually so he doesn't feel like your are ganging up on him or talking behind his back.

I can tell that he's just stressed because of the pressure from management and is neccessarily dealing with it in the best way which is something I'm also sometimes guilty of. I've been working to make my feelings more out there while also struggling to not make myself come of as bratty or grumpy.
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Default Feb 29, 2020 at 04:40 AM
  #5
I can empathize. I've had that several times in the past. Some are open to discussion about your experience, but I found that many are completely closed off to any feedback. Ironically, it seems that the ones who need the feedback the most are the most defensive when they get it. I think that it has to do with egos and insecurity when people act that way. Perhaps being reassuring that it is a team effort and that his success is everyone's success. Demonstrate support without pinging that insecurity. I know it's a fine line. If I can't resolve a situation like that with diplomacy, I do tend to get passive-aggressive as a second step.

Good luck!
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