Communication issues with boss/owner

my boss and I do not communicate well together, or so it feels to me. She tries to be professional when doing damage control with staff, but it’s inconsistent with her regular behavior. I think she causes problems and confusion with her dismal communication, and then scolds you after you’ve tried to fulfill her wishes, and failed to please her. she comes up with different solutions to make things better for her, and gets annoyed when her ideas don’t work perfectly. I do not know how to better this issue other than to ask more clarifying questions...which I need to take initiative to do when she is “communicating” direction to me. Sometimes she starts several sentences without finishing them and thinks she has told you the point. Or she spends a lot of time telling the gossip or boasting, which she is able to communicate loud, clear, and completely.

She sent me an apology email where she expressed her stress level and emotion, and I sent one back where I commiserated and shared my own struggle with stress, etc. I feel like I exposed myself now..at first I felt good about my email, but now I feel shame about it. I don’t feel safe communicating with her I guess.

I think an issue is she speaks in front of me to the other boss about her dissatisfaction with the structure of the company. She wants someone who can take on her work and allow her to rubber stamp things, and allow her to focus time on what she wants to focus her time on. She wants an associate but that is not feasible says the other boss, so naturally I feel like I am not filling the shoes she needs, even though I am not qualified to be an associate of course. Perhaps I am reading into things, but these improperly timed/placed convos in front of me make me uncomfortable. I try to think that they are bringing me into the fold by discussing in front of me, but the keener side of me thinks they are laying a case of why they need to replace me. Especially when they talk about what idiots prior employees and associates were, and how inevitably inept a future associate would be. Damn. Too much.

I am so sorry this is happening to you.

Wish I knew what to say that would be helpful.

Sure hope things improve for you!

Thank you! And I am pleased to report that today was a good day at work. For me, negative communication hits hard, but my boss is more comfortable with it and enjoys it (goes with the territory).

I feel more optimistic right now. I really needed one good day at work and I’m so happy I got one. Maybe tomorrow will go well too!!

It’s been so many bad days in a row there and I didn’t realize how needed a good day was. Ahhhhhhh

I'm glad things seem to be on the upswing.

If things are continuously bad and you are intent on staying I always advocate document, document, document. You may never have to use it, but you will have time, date, place, person and what was said or done, especially if you have someone who is inconsistent or vague in her instructions.

Thank you for the suggestion. It has helped my own sanity when I look back at a written note or task and see that I behaved as initially instructed. But I could take things a step further and document when these flare ups happen with her. It would be mostly every day though.

Just yesterday and the day before she sat and chatted to me a lot, preventing me from working, and then will probably turn around and complain that I didn’t log enough work that day.

I hate, what I call, the double whammy, where it's damned if you do and damned if you don't. I had one like that who would issue mutually exclusive directives and hammer us either way.

Hugs and best of luck!

It’s so weird and shocking that the boss spontaneously gave me a raise today.
She squawks so much I thought I was blowing everything and now a very spontaneous 1000% out of the blue raise???
I never would have guessed, and honestly thought it was a joke at first.