I resigned my career.

Today I resigned my General Practitioner's career with the NHS. I was dedicated to my job, but the constant strain of putting on my 'professional face', especially when treating terminally ill children and their distraught parents, doing 12 hour shifts, assisting at nighttime road accidents brought me close to having a drinking problem in addition to anxiety disorder, panic attacks and severe depression.

Emotionally and physically taxed from lengthy 12 hour shifts at the hospital or medical centre drained me to exhaustion. Factor in my parent's deaths last spring, an offensive ex-girlfriend who injured my daughter and moving homes, I outstretched my limit. Last week when my partner couldn't get me out of bed, I wept clinging to her, begging her to keep me at home while anxiety raged causing a panic attack. Upset, our daughters rushed in to hold me as I sobbed in their arms. That was when I decided to put family first and terminate my profession.

I could have taken sickleave. But why claim it when I intended resignation? Far better to be honest and get out and stay out. And that is what I did.

I think your feelings are completely understandable. What a stressful life you have been enduring! I wish you only the best of luck on whatever you decide on in your future life!

I certainly don't mean to overstep boundaries, but if I may, I would just like to say that I am incrediby proud of you for having the courage to take this big life step in furtherance of your health. We, as physicians, certainly here in the US anyway, and apparently, also in the UK, are trained from earliest years to sacrifice our own health for that of our patients. I did a brutal general surgery residency (before switching fields in order to try to reclaim a life, which didn't work). The life expectancy of general surgeons in my age group in the United States is 59 1/2 years. Enough said.

So, I say, physicians, heal thyselves. I am so very happy that you have come to this decision for you and your children and your partner. Life is to be lived with those we love and who love us, not to be spent in a torture chamber of our own and the system's making. Life is short. Live. Be joyous. Play in the garden. Cook. Read. Go for walks. Teach your children. Be happy.

Now, you can just live.

So happy for you!!!!!

It is sad that the system is losing someone like you but I am glad you are going to take care of yourself and be with those you love and who love you.

Thank you @TishaBuv @Yaowen @winter4me and @bpcyclist for your support on my topic. I'm so grateful for all you guys have shared. It's a great encouragement to me. and @HappyCrafter and @ WastingAsparagus

@bpcyclist I wasn't aware you'd worked in the medical field, but I'm glad you are finding a way through the trauma of your past experiences. Though I'm only 30, I feel my profession as a GP has aged me, but hope now I have resigned, there is so much more to start over again. And I have a wonderful woman who is gentle and patient, and been incredibly supportive. But I'm going to share a little more because even our children have suffered, this being the other deciding factor in my resigning

Our daughters were being bullied at their school. It was only by chance when at home one evening that I noticed my partner's daughter had written these chilling words in her journal:

"Mum sent me to a private school, but it's got bullies. They tried to kill my vibe, but it wasn't theirs to kill. ******!"

Seeing me she slammed her journal shut and began crying, but even when I apologized not meaning to pry and asking what happened, she cried more. Our girls related their bullies' unrelenting litany of hatred, my partner's daughter being teased over her period, of her being pushed between bullying girls and slapped - and being shoved into a cleaner's cupboard and left there until Juni, worried sick, found her, bruised and shaking and panicky. She sensibly phoned home and I stopped work, met my partner and drove out to their school.

Teens will tell us things only when they feel comfortable doing so, and only bit by bit will they do so when we stayed quiet to listen. But neither of us had a clue of what our girls had been going through at that private school we went them to.

You would have thought the school's Heads would have investigated what happened, but no. None of our complaints to them, not even when put in writing or phone-calls got us anywhere. The head master and head mistress defended their teaching staff. They denied our accusations and did nothing. Furious, instead of getting the police involved, we took our girls out of that school on the day and took them home, gifting them with things they wanted as our way of wanting to lift their broken spirits. It helped, and our young teenagers made the point of thanking us, making us a big card on which they drew unicorns and pretty flowers in gratitude.

Later that week we enrolled them on a top home schooling program based in Oxford. Now, wherever we plan to travel, ie.America or Europe soon, they can work remotely, continuing their education online and chatting to their home schooling friends in a dedicated chat room that is responsibly moderated by professionals. Or engaging in another charity-registered forum's 1-2-1 chat room service, based in London.

Lately we have been engaging with our children well, taking them out on for country walks with my partner's dogs and hiking our South Downs, or going for country drives. Despite our stormy weather, we play together, always finding fun things to do. Like playing Frisbee in our barn with our dogs. I've been polishing up my carpentry skills and restoring old stuff that had been stacked in our barn when we moved. Lately I've been finishing off a large stud wall and plastering in Italian Marmorino while our builder finished constructing a mezzanine for my partner's studio. Again, plastering has been a recently resurrected hobby and I'm loving it! So much to relearn, so much more time! I've been feeling more positive, too. I've even consulted my own doctor about coming off my anxiety meds, and she said I've become fit enough to do this - finally.

My partner is also a sculpturist, mostly of wind turbine/kinetic sculptures in sheet steel, copper, bronze and alloy, and then paint spraying them in dazzling metallic colours. She's been designing a 50' take-down connectable kinetic wind spinner for this year's Burning Man event at Black Rock Desert this August-September. And at the end of our busy days, I've been going to sleep earlier and waking refreshed and feeling so much better next morning.

Now I am free to do what I want, I've resurrected my small architectural salvage business which I finally updating, and my partner is teaching me sculpturing. Also I'm learning welding like my partner, though welding is going to take me a lot longer to learn, I feel I've been doing so much better than of late. I can finally paint and design, but still a bit rusty. But I'm not worried because you know - now I have lots and lots of time to relearn all my lost skills and enjoy life with my family again and Big Time.


Thank you all. So much!

Thank you!
You sound good!

Yes thanks, I've been feeling much better lately and having been reading a personal development book, too. It's taking me a while, but I'm in no hurry. Our two 13 year olds are happier I've resigned, and spending more time with them.

Happy days.

That's a big step to take, but I'm glad you decided to do what is right for you, your mental & physical health and your family.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do next.

splitimage

I have tears in my eyes. You sound so happy!

Aww you're so sweet @Purple,Violet,Blue I am happy, just for making the right decision because Dad always said "Family first, every time".

He was a businessman, but always put my feelings first and that of our family. And his promise held true all the way up to his passing last year. Now...I wanted out of my job because it was grinding me down so low that my family were suffering real bad. As soon as I let my career in medicine go, it felt like a great weight came off my mind.

And here I am, sat surrounded by my partner's daughter and mine, and our family, these being people we've met along the way. And this is why I've been so happy.

So I thank you, really thank you for coming to share in our happiness.

Bless you in all that you do, too.

Hugs, you made right decision. No job in the world is worth to sacrifice your health and your family.

You saved your girls, and then yourself.

I'm older than you, but viscerally felt a daughter-like gratitude when I read how you'd rescued yours from the bullies. Wish I'd had a dad like you, that's for sure.

They'll probably never forget it!

Thank you @Purple,Violet,Blue for what you said because I just want to tell you something in the context of what you shared.

Yes, indeed I saved my girls and I saved myself, just as you said. And importantly I saved my child from my mother's clutches because she had a low tolerance for crying. Mother saw crying as a sign of weakness, so I always went to Dad because I knew he'd always understand me, and said if I ever needed to cry, to go ahead. Well, one day in my teens I answered Mum back for not having time to tidy my bedroom when she shouted, and to punish me she pushed me down the stairs. While I cried in pain, she walked down the stairs and stepped over me. When I told Dad everything, he remonstrated with her and decided to live a separate life from her, taking me with him for my protection. My parents' marriage over though he never believed in divorce, Dad stayed close to me while mother left home and went her own way.

I always told Juni to tell me anything I needed to know, but she admitted not telling me that my partner's daughter was being got at and bullied. This was because our girls were so close, and she tried to put a stop to the bullying her own way. Which got her into trouble and detention at school. My daughter is tough, not someone that any of her peers ever crossed. But she promised herself that she'd tell me about the bullying, and that's why she began crying: mostly from the guilt of not telling me sooner. Oh well, I forgave her. I said we make mistakes, we get over them and get on with living. I got a lot of hugs and thanks for that, and I decided to take our kids out and buying them nice things.

When I told Juni about my mother's brutality to me, my little darling hugged me all the more, especially when I explained how unworthy Mother had made me feel when I was a teenager, but I would never, never, ever maltreat my children the despicable way my own mother treated me! And this is why my partner and I and our children have this closeness, this understanding - even empathy for each other. And to us all, family life now means sticking close through hard times and good times; we also pray together, we go to church and share our faith, but I think whatever faith or belief parents have, they must relate to their children whatever age and bring them up in home that is safe and built on the foundation of Love.

Sometime ago, my friend Lillian said, and I quote: "Some parents see their children as the 'best version of themselves', meaning loving their child(ren) more than their own lives and are willing to sacrifice it, come what may. For many parents loving their children is equivalent to self serving - they love their child(ren) because they bring the parent so much joy, and happiness and togetherness. Some people have simply always wanted to be parents for the unique connection and sense of purpose a child can bring." Ahh, how I love that because it sums up my mother-daughter relationship the same as my partner's towards her daughter. Another aspect for me is I love my daughter because I see so much of myself and her father in her, and that's about as much as I'd want to share right now.

Just to finish up, but what has been so hard, however, is my parents' deaths last year. Even now I regret never talking to Mum and saying I forgive her. But I'm having to move on from that, because what is the most important to all of us in my family is the now.

I wish we had an emoji for 'the whole of PC carries a feeling-better member above their heads'

Your posts tonight have made me emotional, but in a healthy way.

Even though I've experienced similar things, it's still stunning to hear that your mother hurt you like that. I'm so deeply sorry. It's just staggering. How can they do it?

My dad had a violent temper and lost control on a regular basis. As with your mother, it could be over minor things, like not being able to find a letter, a tool, his favourite pen... (that he'd put away), or not liking one of the items in a meal my mum had made...

The lost object would usually end up with us all having to humilatingly run around after him as he tore open drawers, kicked things out of the way, shouted at us to not just ******* sit there.

As for the meal, one time, he hurled his full plate at the kitchen wall because the mashed potatoes were 'lumpy'. I remember being particularly terrified that time because we didn't have much money, and our mum couldn't conjure up a replacement meal. But at the same time, he couldn't just go hungry.

We were always having to try and solve impossible dilemmas like that.

So, my brother and I pretended we weren't scared, and said to him placatingly, 'It's alright! You can have some of ours.'

Humiliation again for us as we scrambled to divide up our own food, and desperately hoped he'd leave us alone.

I can remember exactly what was going through our minds. Our mum bore the brunt of his attacks and would always put herself between us. And we thought, oh no. This is it. Today's the day he kills her.



He was like this from my earliest memories, but that incident was about age eight or nine...

My friend, the fact that your father saved you from your dangerous mother... It's really a heartbreakingly wonderful thing.

I'm choking up a bit as I'm writing this.

Such things do happen!

And he showed you that it's possible.

Because of the combined goodness of your dear father and your lovely partner and your own self, your gorgeous children will be safe and happy!

It must have been so difficult to lose him. But what a tribute you have paid to him with your messages here.

Thank you @Purple,Violet,Blue for the insights you gave me in this post which yes, made me question what evil lurked inside my Mother to have wanted to, who told my father that she wanted to....maim me. Had Dad not intervened after seeing my injuries, I may well have been killed, but I don't even want to go back there. But - he paid his doctor privately to tend to me from being pushed down our stairs, but Dad also paid him a retainer not to take things further to the police; which admittedly was tantamount to bribery. My Father had his reasons for keeping what happened private within the family. But he made my mother sign a document to stay away from me, rather than take the legal side which would have meant a court injunction put on her, and much unwelcome media attention. Dad was very wealthy and I suppose it could be said that 'money talked', not that I ever approved of his actions.

There was another aspect for his actions that I cannot relate here, I think you understand. But Dad was responsible for encouraging my wish to be educated and train to be a doctor and latterly extra training up to five years for me to qualify as a paediatrician. Without his constant encouragement and support, I doubt I would have carried on, so I owe everything of what I am, or was in the medical field to him and to him alone. And so this career was to eventually become my nemesis caused by mental unwellness. The strain on me was appalling, and I know of another doctor friend who also had to retire from the profession when he had an emotional breakdown.

What my beloved Father left us was a legacy of beautiful ideals and practicalities that was inherited by my daughter, and my lifestyle. Juni's life reflects the many great qualities ,Dad left behind, and we will sorely miss him, especially because his anniversary will be arriving soon.

Thank you my friend and a special thanks to everyone who have posted on my thread. It's been wonderful reading everyone's sharing no matter how large or small: I simply love you all.



AD

I would appreciate it please if a forum staff member could close my topic.

Thank you.