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OatMilk
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Member Since: May 2020
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Default May 07, 2020 at 11:34 PM
  #1
I started a new job at the beginning of the new year, and at first, one of my coworkers seemed friendly and I thought he was genuinely trying to help me out because I was new, but now, I believe he is actually toxic.

Before the quarantine, we would have meetings to discuss ideas for projects. While he claimed to be "trying to help me" and held the meeting to discuss ideas, whenever I had an idea that I pitched to him, he didn't like it and would instead explain why his ideas were better.

Later on, when I asked him what he thought about something, he took one of my previous ideas and claimed it as his own.

He wants to hold these meetings under the guise of "helping me out," but always finds ways to tear me down and assert his opinions over mine. After he criticizes me, he steps back by saying "I'm not trying to criticize you," or "I'm not judging you."

I regret becoming friends with this person. What should I do?
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Default May 08, 2020 at 04:11 AM
  #2
Wow, he is toxic.

I work in a place I call the Kingdom of Dysfunction and that is a familiar tactic. Many times it comes down to that person's insecurity. I don't know the full story, but I would speculate that he feels threatened by you and feels he needs to undermine you and steal your ideas. Sometimes, if the person is not too toxic, a collaborative approach may work. Enlist his help, but document everything and have witnesses if able. Or, if he is too far gone in toxicity, you may just tell him what you have experienced and that you choose not to associate with him any more (if that's possible). Either way, the status quo will not help you and it is unlikely that he will change on his own.

Good luck and I hope it works out for you. I hate that kind of drama.
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