advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
Anonymous45521
Guest
Anonymous45521 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a
Default May 14, 2020 at 07:34 AM
  #1
So I have written before about a co worker at work who I want to get away from, but feel i can't because I have told her so many secrets (when I thought she was nicer) I know if she is aware I am breaking up with her -- she will spill those secrets and it will be war. We will call her nasty friend.

Then I have another friend who, despite the fact that she is nice and kind and a good friend, is unfortunately bad at her job. And her being bad puts everyone under stress. This friend was fired from her job and received a reduction in pay. But still works with us as a relief person. And though I don't think that was a surprise... to anyone, she remains adamant that no one know. But of course I had to tell people because people were pissed that she seemed to be doing less work and thus they would have been mad at her if she wasn't receiving less pay. But I feel they knew that anyway. We will call her good friend.

Long story short, they asked good person to cover for another co worker and she has been trying hard but it is a very busy place. Remember she isn't getting paid to do this job.

The nasty friend got upset with her... and sent an e-mail to the bosses complaining about her. This was really the last thing the friend who is trying needed and it made her upset. Crying upset. What was complained about wasn't anything.

I just don't feel like either of these people are my friends and I just want to be done with both. But I feel like sending an e-mail to the bosses is just out of line and bullying and the very last thing I need is a bully.

Last night nasty friend e-mailed me to say she was feeling physically ill by the stress... I just couldn't respond. We aren't even at work any longer and I am still being dragged into these things. Last week I was very busy -- I was on what is called "emergency" and I didn't call people up freaking out. I just did my job,

I want so badly just to tell nasty friend off. IN my history at work I was friendly with people I didn't like but felt I had to be friendly with and those people ended up screwing me just as bad as if we had been enemies. So I figure, why not be an enemy? Why not just get it out there and take all her power away by telling her I don't care what she does.

All I know is that for the rest of my life I want to be kind really kind and I am tired of behaving in anyway that isn't what I want.
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Buffy01, Skeezyks, Yaowen
 
Thanks for this!
Buffy01

advertisement
Yaowen
Grand Magnate
 
Yaowen's Avatar
Yaowen has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jan 2020
Location: USA
Posts: 3,618 (SuperPoster!)
3 yr Member
6,475 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 14, 2020 at 10:41 AM
  #2
Dear Emily,

That sounds like such a no-win situation. How awful that you are stuck in such a position. I wish I had some good advice to offer but sadly I am really at a loss for ideas. Hopefully others here who have been in similar situations will have better words for you than my poor words. I hope that somehow . . . someway . . . that things will work out for you. You are in such a difficult, difficult situation. My heart goes out to you.

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen
Yaowen is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Buffy01
Wise Elder
 
Buffy01's Avatar
Buffy01 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 9,460 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
9,664 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default May 14, 2020 at 08:00 PM
  #3
Quote:
Originally Posted by Emily Fox Seaton View Post
So I have written before about a co worker at work who I want to get away from, but feel i can't because I have told her so many secrets (when I thought she was nicer) I know if she is aware I am breaking up with her -- she will spill those secrets and it will be war. We will call her nasty friend.

Then I have another friend who, despite the fact that she is nice and kind and a good friend, is unfortunately bad at her job. And her being bad puts everyone under stress. This friend was fired from her job and received a reduction in pay. But still works with us as a relief person. And though I don't think that was a surprise... to anyone, she remains adamant that no one know. But of course I had to tell people because people were pissed that she seemed to be doing less work and thus they would have been mad at her if she wasn't receiving less pay. But I feel they knew that anyway. We will call her good friend.

Long story short, they asked good person to cover for another co worker and she has been trying hard but it is a very busy place. Remember she isn't getting paid to do this job.

The nasty friend got upset with her... and sent an e-mail to the bosses complaining about her. This was really the last thing the friend who is trying needed and it made her upset. Crying upset. What was complained about wasn't anything.

I just don't feel like either of these people are my friends and I just want to be done with both. But I feel like sending an e-mail to the bosses is just out of line and bullying and the very last thing I need is a bully.

Last night nasty friend e-mailed me to say she was feeling physically ill by the stress... I just couldn't respond. We aren't even at work any longer and I am still being dragged into these things. Last week I was very busy -- I was on what is called "emergency" and I didn't call people up freaking out. I just did my job,

I want so badly just to tell nasty friend off. IN my history at work I was friendly with people I didn't like but felt I had to be friendly with and those people ended up screwing me just as bad as if we had been enemies. So I figure, why not be an enemy? Why not just get it out there and take all her power away by telling her I don't care what she does.

All I know is that for the rest of my life I want to be kind really kind and I am tired of behaving in anyway that isn't what I want.
Do you have any evidence against the friend who is a bully? Have you thought about looking for another job? What about reporting her for harassment?
Buffy01 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
NeedHelp104
Member
NeedHelp104 has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2017
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 98
5 yr Member
11 hugs
given
Default Jun 20, 2020 at 03:00 PM
  #4
Now I hope you learned especially in the work place it is important to NOT trust ANYONE. I know it sounds rather extreme, but most people in the workplace look out for themselves and themselves only. I'm sorry this is happening to you. I learned the hard way when I had to quit due to workplace harassment, so I know what you are going through.
NeedHelp104 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
DoroMona
Member
DoroMona has no updates.
 
Member Since: Feb 2018
Location: Kansas
Posts: 161
5 yr Member
44 hugs
given
Default Jun 21, 2020 at 12:38 AM
  #5
Dear Emily,
I think I kind of understand your situation. I also have some situations right now where I just want to scream at people at work, insult them, bring up all the crap they've put me through over the years, and then let the chips fall where they may. Instead, I'm trying to put up some boundaries, bit by bit. For one coworker who's especially bad (yes, I also consider her a "friend" whom I kind of hate), I decided to just ignore her texts if they come after 8PM and on the weekend too. Maybe not 100% but enough to slowly train her to not expect responses from me. I also just today made a rule that I don't discuss any of my work/projects with her unless there's something she absolutely has to know. I have the luxury of not having to go to the office most days right now and in the foreseeable future. So I decided to go to the office less (which probably doesn't help you) but also that when I'm there, I really schedule my day, so that if my "friend" wants to chat, I can just tell her clearly that I can't because I need the block of time for XYZ.
Do you think you can use the boundaries concept I'm trying to use to make your professional life easier?
DoroMona is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Anonymous45521
Guest
Anonymous45521 has no updates. Edit
 
Posts: n/a
Default Jun 21, 2020 at 07:31 AM
  #6
This is still in play, I stopped talking to the bad friend -- not working has allowed me to duck her.

The good friend however, still annoys me. She is helping out but got a raise to help out. So after getting fired for bad work she got put right back. Meanwhile my arm is killing me because I have been over worked. Where is my help?

I am just tired of both and hoping that the break will calm the situation down.
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 03:10 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.