Emotionally exhausted

Hi
I am new here, for the past 3 years a guy at work (single) has been touching me sexually, trying to get close to me, trying to get me alone, staring at me, watching me leave work, making inappropriate comments about me, asking for my name, address and number, told me not to leave the company and making comments about my husband.

On Friday I received a message on social media asking me to add him as a friend and it is hard for me to make an informed decision, because I was sexually abused as a child and the guy responsible for that was a monster.

When I saw this message I immediately felt sick to my stomach, started shaking, heart racing and breaking out into a cold sweat. Then I just wanted to go somewhere safe and hide.

Last night I had trouble sleeping because I woke up after having a dream about him, I couldn’t remember what it was about.

Because the guy in this situation has been friendly with me, helpful, professional and is well respected in the building it makes me hard to see him as anything negative.

Please bear in mind I have not done anything to encourage this person and he knows I am married.
And my husband is fully aware of the situation too.

I feel like I am being watched, like I can’t do anything without him knowing, but also as if everything is in my head right now.

Hello Ella: I see this is your first post here on PC. Welcome to Psych Central. The Survivors of Abuse forum, here on PC, is one you may want to check out. Here's a link just in case you haven't already found it:

https://psychcentralforums.com/survivors-of-abuse/

I'm sorry I don't know as there is a lot I can offer with regard to your situation. Hopefully there are going to be other PC members who will have some insights & suggestions they can share. My own personal gut-level reaction is that you are being sexually harassed & should report this stalker to management & perhaps even file a report with the police. But I don't know if these are really the best steps for you to take given your circumstances. If, by some chance, there is a women's advocacy organization where you life, perhaps talking your situation through with someone there might be helpful?

You mentioned you were sexually abused as a child. So here are links to 6 articles, from Psych Central's archives, on healing from childhood sexual abuse & related topics:

Healing from Childhood Sexual Abuse

11 Common Symptoms Experienced by Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse

Recovering from Childhood Abuse: The Past Keeps Getting Clearer

Coping with Flashbacks

https://psychcentral.com/blog/unders...al-flashbacks/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/imper...tional-wounds/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

Do not friend him. Block him. I suggest you discuss with your company HR department that his behavior is making you uncomfortable. On the other side, it could simply be that you need to put up strict boundaries to him. Learn to say "no" when he asks personal questions. And do not stand close enough to him ever for him to touch you. If he keeps getting closer, just explicitly say "it makes me uncomfortable for you to stand this close, please back away. Thank you." I might try that and see if he persists.

When you say he touches you sexually, what do you mean, specifically? Where and how?

I am so sorry this has been happening to you! How awful and how terribly uncomfortable for you!

I have to ask: how has he been touching you sexually within the workplace? Has anyone been a witness, and what have you said to him in response when he has done this? You can report this behavior as sexual harassment to your company's HR department. It is illegal behavior, for which he should be fired.

Thank you.

He has been touching me sexually within the workplace yes and there were witnesses in that they walked by and looked over at us when this happened. I don’t think anything was said by them but at the time this happened I wasn’t really in a stable frame of mind and I didn’t say anything at the time.

I see this guy as a professional and he’s well known in the building and during that time he had taken me off to ask me if I was ok, then said I’m a good worker etc. I’m sorry if this might seem naive as it’s been suggested by some (not on this site) that it does because I didn’t react but my judgment just felt...clouded and it still does at times.

I was abused as a child and that guy was a monster from the outset. This one to me doesn’t seem to be because he has been nice to me but I think there might be something I am not seeing and he knows that perhaps?

I reported him to ethics team and they want me to give them my name and his name. Husband says I could make this guy angry.

Thank you.

He’s been pressing up against me. He’s a big guy and I’m petite so he squashes his body into mine. Pressing into me from behind, touching my leg and stroking my back. Mostly when he thinks I’m not looking or does it when I’m alone.

Hugs to you.

Unwanted sexual touching that is not asked for or wanted in any way is sexual harassment. I hope you pursue this report with the ethics team. You can tell them that you were so stunned by the behavior at the time, that you didn't know what to do or how to react, but make it clear that it was unwanted sexual touching.

It's understandable given your history that you did not know how to respond. But this man should be fired for this behavior. Who cares if he's nice otherwise. What he did is not allowed in the workplace. He should face the consequences for this behavior. And you should not have to deal with sexual harassment at work.

Go to HR. Seriously. There's no level of his behavior that is okay.