Coping with a re-org

I've been with my boss for almost 15 years. While it's its ups and downs, I was pretty content to stick it out during the virus while working on some of my mental health stuff and trying to figure out what I wanted to do next.

Then, as life tends to do... bam.

Company decides to re-organize. I get swept up because of my job title and moved to another group. Me and a couple other people from my team. Everyone else stays put.

It feels so hard. And unfair. My boss invited us to the team meeting this afternoon to say goodbye, and I didn't realize that was going to have to respond... and just... couldn't... because now I'm crying... again.

It just feels like such a crappy way to run a business. I have zero confidence in the executives. I was literally yanked off my team with no real thought - they didn't talk to my boss or his boss to understand what I do (I do more than my title implies) or if they need me. I didn't really have any kind of "transition". There was no thought given to teams and coherence and keeping people together who work well together.

The new team is nice enough, but they're getting a LOT of pressure to be productive. It looks like a constant grind of "go go go" and trying to show how much impact they're having. Just in the week or so I've been there, I'm already feeling burned out, exhausted, and like there's no way this isn't going to affect my health.

I know myself well enough to know that I do best with slower, but deeper work. Deep though, analysis, design, figuring out hard problems. This new job isn't that. It's like... churning out new projects and work every week with constant pressure to do more.

I am crying after my old team call today. I am tired. I worked over the weekend trying to learn the new systems. I've worked all week. And attended so many meetings. I am so incredibly tired and sad, and it's inappropriate to express that at work, because you know, "be a team player" and "show that you can fit in" or you risk being laid off.

I honestly hate corporate america so much. So freaking much. So much I want to use words that aren't allowed here...

Anyway. Thanks for listening. I'm already getting pinged, so back to it.