advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
Ananimos
Newly Joined
Ananimos has no updates.
 
Member Since: Aug 2020
Location: Chicago
Posts: 1
3 yr Member
Confused Aug 30, 2020 at 10:54 PM
  #1
Hi all,

So a little back story and I’ll try to keep it brief. About 2 years ago Infound out my husband of them 8 years was having an affair with his co-worker for 2 years. It was an intense affair and during this time, his treatment of me became down right horrible. He would call me very nasty name you can imagine and was constantly gas lighting me. Then when I found out and confronted him, he was “trying” to fix everything and even went to counseling with me. However, he continued his affair for another year at least that I know of. In the mean time, I started to look for a job so that I can get out. It took a while, but with a lot of help, and a little luck, I got a job. I started the job amid the pandemic and was training remotely. While at the same time, doing remote learning at home with the kids. Needless to say this was very stressful, but I hung in there because I really want the job. Lots of things have happened since, but I won’t bore you. Now my sons school that was supposed to be in person, has reversed their stance and will be remote until October and then going back just part time in person. I had hired good help to do remote learning with my kids, but last minute this person quit. Leaving me with no help whatsoever ever. I have been unable to find affordable child care to start ASAP and now feel that I have to quit my job. There are too many uncertainties with my kids school and I’m afraid I can’t focus on this new job as well as take care of my children. I don’t want to quit, but feel I have no option. This is so depressing since having the hub was empowering me to be able to move out and get a divorce. I don’t know what to do...do I quit and focus on the kids and delay the divorce or stress myself out by trying to work and take care of the kids the best I can. All though I’m not sure who’s going to watch them if I have to be in the office. Help. What would you do?
Ananimos is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote

advertisement
Aviza
Magnate
 
Aviza's Avatar
Aviza Calm
 
Member Since: Jan 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 2,456
10 yr Member
86 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Aug 31, 2020 at 04:57 PM
  #2
That's a tough situation. Really I'd pray. God sees ways we don't.

__________________
Son: 14, 12/15/2009 R.I.P.
Daughter: 20
Diagnosis: Bipolar with Psychosis. Latuda 100 mgs.
Aviza is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
hvert
Grand Magnate
 
hvert's Avatar
hvert has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jan 2014
Location: US
Posts: 4,887
10 yr Member
3,785 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Sep 01, 2020 at 11:30 AM
  #3
Can you talk to your employer to see if there is a way you can keep your job but maybe work from home? Maybe a coworker knows about a good childcare solution? There are options out there that you don't know about yet.
hvert is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Baskitcase
Junior Member
Baskitcase has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2020
Location: United States
Posts: 12
3 yr Member
6 hugs
given
Default Sep 06, 2020 at 09:37 PM
  #4
Oh my hun this really is a pickle. I am so very sorry you are going through this. You do have some options though. They may not be easy, but you do have options. Your situation is not hopeless even though I am sure it feels that way most days.

When I struggled with the timing of my own divorce and issues that arose with childcare, career etc. I often reflected on this visual: When you fly via airplane, the flight attendants walk you through the exercise of putting your face mask on...they always instruct parents to put on their mask first, before putting the mask on your child. Obviously cuz if the parent cannot breath, how can we help our child breath in the event of a flight disaster?

That said, I see you have been married for some time now. Depending on your state's divorce laws you will indeed get a settlement, division of property assets type etc. Also, depending on your personal situation you will most likely be entitled to child support and possibly alimony. It is very important to consider your stress level as well as that state of your mental health. It might be a wise choice to simply consult a divorce attorney and see what your financial future will look like. Hopefully, that will ease any worries you may have financially. Second, sounds like your marriage has been a strain for quite a while. YOU DESERVE to be happy. Start the ball rolling and allow yourself to be happy. If you are in good standing with your employer, talk with your HR department to see if you are eligible to possibly take a leave of absence, short-term disability due to this possible life changing event you are facing? That is what I did when I was faced with divorce, had a young child and needed to stay on top of my mental health. It wasn't easy, but making a plan and taking small steps towards your greater happiness is so important. It gave me hope when I felt hopeless and trapped at that time in my life.

Just my 2 cents worth...we are of no help to our children, when we need to help ourselves first. I truly wish you much health and happiness! You so deserve it! This is certainly not an ending, but a new beginning.

__________________
NORMAL is just a setting on a washing machine
Baskitcase is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 10:43 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.