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yaitso
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Default Oct 20, 2020 at 02:01 PM
  #21
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Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
Leave.This.Man. Stop all contact and block all his numbers. Do not worry about paying him back, ignore it. He took advantage of someone with a mental illness. You do not need to justify anything. get into therapy ASAP so you can learn about why you are attracted to someone so abusive.
I don't understand this perspective at all, @sarahsweets. What did he do to take advantage of her? It actually sounds to me like he was very generous except for the interest thing. I've had wealthy family members loan me money with a similar interest rate and I didn't think I was being taken advantage of. Wealthy people are wealthy for a reason: they are smart about managing their money.

And otherwise, to be perfectly honest, dealing with someone who has this many mental health issues is not easy. I just don't see abusive behavior in what the OP describes.
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Default Oct 20, 2020 at 03:34 PM
  #22
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Originally Posted by yaitso View Post
I don't understand this perspective at all, @sarahsweets. What did he do to take advantage of her? It actually sounds to me like he was very generous except for the interest thing. I've had wealthy family members loan me money with a similar interest rate and I didn't think I was being taken advantage of. Wealthy people are wealthy for a reason: they are smart about managing their money.

And otherwise, to be perfectly honest, dealing with someone who has this many mental health issues is not easy. I just don't see abusive behavior in what the OP describes.

Lol he got the money without having to work for it.

Maybe I'm just more generous than average then though........... And I don't know how to emotionally manipulate like the random woman who easily got 6000 USD off him.

Also. I did get a loan from my uncle before and he wanted an interest rate and that was fine for me (and I paid him back within deadline no problem, I was still able to do it back then).

But I didn't live with my uncle for many years and I didn't sacrifice things for them.

Again, I was not that American woman who easily got 6000 USD off him in just a few months...



...

Also you asked about the abuse.

"I was very neglected, already getting very numbed out and shut down living with him"

"It was nothing too dark but it was manipulation and I have not trusted him fully since then. He manipulated me into letting him live with me in my condo again. After I let him come back I had a near psychotic break, I had a complete nervous breakdown. He once woke up, took a look at me, said "you're crazy" and went back to sleep."

I don1t want to copy out more from my original OP.
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Default Oct 20, 2020 at 03:39 PM
  #23
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Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post


Again, I cant speak for @divine1966 but as I understood it, you were asking for opinions and she gave hers. I do not think she was trying to explain anything to you like you were a two year old. She was being direct. You didnt say what you were looking for when you posted this(and you dont have to), sometimes we have to ask for what we need.

oh I agree, I just think I was clear on what I wanted. "Thoughts? On this whole situation. What do you think of him and what would your suggestion be?"

I don't have a problem with directness, I do have a problem with it if it feels like they are ignoring my actual issue at the same time. Like "oh okay he did a lot of **** so you just need to accept that and move on as if nothing happened", like it's actually realistic advice....no it's not. It trivialises the issue and its effect.

Like I did explicitly ask her to only respond again if she puts herself in my shoes, "But please only respond to me if you can put yourself in my shoes and do honestly ask yourself if you would not be upset or angry or depressed or how you would feel in this situation yourself""

(With your response above I did feel you did put yourself in my shoes)
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Default Oct 20, 2020 at 03:52 PM
  #24
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Originally Posted by divine1966 View Post
No assumptions. Just asking your question. You asked and I answered. You said you wanted to hear how others see your situation. Since you wanted to hear it I replied to your question by telling you how I see your situation. That’s what you asked.

I see a man treating you rather poorly for many years and not supporting you financially despite the fact that you want him to support you and think he should. Just answering your question on how I see it.

What made you think - in your initial post - that your opinion wasn't going to be "popular"? That is where I strongly felt you made assumptions
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Default Oct 20, 2020 at 05:20 PM
  #25
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Originally Posted by tevelygo View Post
Lol he got the money without having to work for it.

Maybe I'm just more generous than average then though........... And I don't know how to emotionally manipulate like the random woman who easily got 6000 USD off him.

Also. I did get a loan from my uncle before and he wanted an interest rate and that was fine for me (and I paid him back within deadline no problem, I was still able to do it back then).

But I didn't live with my uncle for many years and I didn't sacrifice things for them.

Again, I was not that American woman who easily got 6000 USD off him in just a few months...



...

Also you asked about the abuse.

"I was very neglected, already getting very numbed out and shut down living with him"

"It was nothing too dark but it was manipulation and I have not trusted him fully since then. He manipulated me into letting him live with me in my condo again. After I let him come back I had a near psychotic break, I had a complete nervous breakdown. He once woke up, took a look at me, said "you're crazy" and went back to sleep."

I don1t want to copy out more from my original OP.
I didn't ask about abuse. I stated that I didn't see any abuse in what you said. And I still don't. That said, if you honestly believe you're being abused, leave. It's pretty simple really.

As far as your other comments, you appear to be rejecting @divine1966 's perspective out of hand because you don't like how it makes you feel. That was a sober, objective dose of reality that you may want to consider taking into account. If this guy doesn't want to share his money with you for free, that's unlikely to change regardless of whether you think he earned it. Maybe you are just more generous than he is; if so, accept it and move on.
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Default Oct 20, 2020 at 06:31 PM
  #26
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Originally Posted by tevelygo View Post
What made you think - in your initial post - that your opinion wasn't going to be "popular"? That is where I strongly felt you made assumptions
I felt that other people might disagree with me and think that he should give you 25k because he is rich. Some people believe that rich and wealthy should give money away just because they have a lot. But in my experience if people don’t want to share their money, they don’t. That’s why I thought my opinion will be unpopular. I actually was wrong about it as everyone pretty much agrees with me on this thread, so my opinion turned out to be popular.

No, no assumptions were made by me at all . Just going strictly by what you post. And I very much put myself into your shoes. If I was in your shoes, I’d give up on this guy and his money at this point. I’ve met men who didn’t do what I expected. Waste of time. At some point you just got to move on especially if they were abusive.
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Default Oct 22, 2020 at 04:03 PM
  #27
I totally understand that it’s upsetting that this man treated you poorly for years and now refuses to help with money.

I am not saying you shouldn’t be upset or have no rights to ask for money. You have good reasons to be upset and are within your rights to ask for a loan to be forgiven. My point was that sadly other people don’t always feel the same way we do. He doesn’t seem interested in giving you that money and I don’t know how much you can do about it.

Maybe go through legal system showing that you are unable to pay it back due to disability? Maybe just pay him tiny amount here and there? People rarely change. He doesn’t treat you well and doesn’t sound generous with money, that’s just who he is. I feel for you. It’s sad all around but that’s just how it is. He is who he is.
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Default Oct 22, 2020 at 07:42 PM
  #28
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